


What the Fuck is Stickball and Who the Fuck is Stefan

by Dying_Is_Easy_Living_Is_Harder



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Angst, Memory Loss, Slow Burn, The Ravens, all of the typical aftg warnings still apply, happy ending (so don't worry), the foxes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-01 06:04:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 24
Words: 38,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12698916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dying_Is_Easy_Living_Is_Harder/pseuds/Dying_Is_Easy_Living_Is_Harder
Summary: Neil and Mary's last run-in with Nathan and his crew led to her death and Neil losing his memory. He's forgotten everything that's happened since before they left home, living only on his instincts and his mothers dying words to him. When he picks up an exy stick at Millport and is caught by the one and only David Wymack, his life starts to change dramatically.He's got to figure out how to listen to his mother while living a life he is happy with and keep himself alive at least long enough to remember who he is and why several of his new team members seem unnecessarily interested in who he is.





	1. The Day Everything Changed

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my lovelies, I am back from my random disappearance and I have a new story for you. Please let me know what you think and let me know if there's anything you'd like me to include/not include in this story!

He had been Neil Josten for too long now. His bag was packed and at the bottom of his gym locker. Too many people had started asking questions, including the exy coach. He seemed harmless enough, but Neil would rather be safe than sorry. Familiarity was dangerous. People were dangerous.

The coach had tried to convince him to play a few times, but that was one of the last promises his dying mother had extracted from him.

~~~

_It didn’t look like the worst day of Alex’s life, but not only did it feel like someone had cut into his head with a chainsaw, now it felt like his heart was being torn from his chest. His mother was dying in the passenger seat of their stolen car. She had risked everything—lost everything just to save him._

_He watched the blood stain spreading across her shirt and the sticky, red liquid ooze it’s way between her fingers._

_He pulled over. They were out in the middle of nowhere, thank God._

_“Abram, look at me,” his mother’s voice was weak. The name was unfamiliar to him, but then again, after his latest go-‘round with Lola and his father, most of the details of his past lives were fuzzy, if they were there at all._

“ _Promise me,” she says, “promise me that you’ll never step foot on an exy court ever again. And for the love of fuck, stay out of the spotlight.”_

_So he had played exy before. Rather than waste precious moments questioning her odd requests, he concedes, and the relief in her eyes is worth any sort of sacrifice he might be making._

_She died not long after and it felt like Alex was dying along with her. Something in the back of his mind told him what to do, how to clean up the mess and move on with his life._

~~~

That was how Alex found himself in Millport, going by the unnoticeable name Neil Josten. To accompany his unnoticeable name, he had a bland hair color—black—and a bland eye color to go along with it—muddy brown.

Something in him itched to pick up an exy stick, but those haunting words stuck with him. Just like he felt the innate urge to pick up an exy stick, something in him also told him that his mother would come back from the dead just to beat some sense into him.

More cars had been circling the block where the house he was squatting in was located, so Neil had started sleeping in the gym. One evening, he gave into the urge to play. To feel the crisp night air in his lungs as he raced down the field.

Millport didn’t have an actual exy court, so instead they modified the football field. The walls were still up from practice the prior evening. The second he stepped inside the walls, something in his soul settled. This was something he didn’t realize that he missed.

The coach had conveniently left a bucket of balls out so Neil helped himself to them and an abandoned stick that was leaning against one of the sides. He lacked finesse, but it felt so nice to feel the burn in his arms, to hear the satisfying sound of the balls ricocheting off the walls and the floor.

He was sweating and breathing heavily by the time the bucket was empty but it was worth it.

Clapping from the side of the court draws his attention and he whirls, raising the exy stick above his head.

The exy coach was standing there with another man standing behind him. The sight of the unfamiliar man makes Neil want to keep the stick above his head defensively, but he knows that a normal 18 year old wouldn’t do that, so he forces his shaking arms down to his sides.

“Coach,” he says, trying to sound chagrined as he goes around and flips the balls into the bucket with the exy stick in a practiced way that says he’s done this many times before.

“Mr Josten,” the coaches voice floats across the field to him, “this is Coach Wymack.”

The ball Neil had just pitched back towards the bucket bounces uselessly on the ground. Even Neil knew who David Wymack was. He coached the Palmetto State foxes. New home to Kevin Day and resident home to any and all broken children Wymack thought he could save.

“Neil, do you play exy?” Wymack’s voice is much louder and it reaches Neil clearly.

He clears his throat uncomfortably, “nope.”

Wymack turns and raises an eyebrow at Neil before looking to the comfortable stance he had taken, leaning on the stick partially as the heavy bucket of balls swung idly in his other hand. “It sure seems like you’ve got an aptitude for it then.” The tone of his voice told Neil that he thought Neil was lying.

“I guess you could say that.”

“I did say that. Would you like to play? There’s a striker spot open on my team, if you’d like to be a fox.”

Something in Neil’s chest tugs harshly. That sounds amazing, it sounds perfect, it sounds too good to be true.

It was too good to be true. Neil couldn’t play on the same team as Kevin Day. He’d be breaking both of his promises to his mom in one fell swoop. He cautiously approaches the exit to the court, hesitating while he waits for Wymack to move out of his way.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to take your offer.” He skirts around Wymack cautiously, not sure if he was the kind of unstable man that Neil was constantly on the run from.

“Your coach here—er he mentioned that you’ve been having some problems at home?”

Neil’s heart stops. He’d been found out. He shook his head quickly. “No. And frankly, I don’t see what business of yours it is.”

Wymack raises his hands in a gesture of surrender. “It’s not, I was just wondering if that was your hang-up. I can go talk to them if that would help.” He takes a step towards Neil, and even though the rational part of his brain knows that it probably wasn’t going to be harmful, Neil drops the bucket of balls and takes off running. His grip on the exy stick so tight that it turns his knuckles white.

A brutal force slams into Neil’s abdomen and he falls on the ground, forcing all the air out of his lungs. A pale blur swims into focus above his head.

“Stefan?” The aforementioned blur is grinning at him manically and Neil’s heart starts to race even faster as he scrabbles away on the ground.


	2. Breaking All My Promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The regular foxhole court warnings apply obviously.   
> We don't really learn anything more about Andrew and Neil's past relationship, but that's coming don't worry.  
> Let me know what you think! (If you want to comment but don't know what to say, comment what kind of pets you have at home. I have two horses, two dogs, and three cats.)

Neil is shaking, his heart beating out of his chest. His back was against the lockers as he tried to shrink himself as small as possible. Inherently, he felt like the blond man wasn’t a threat, which only served to make him more nervous. He wasn’t used to this feeling of inherent safety.

Normally, everyone had the capacity to be a threat, even if they couldn’t physically harm him, anyone had the ability to be a snitch, a spy, an informant.

This man—this stranger, something about him made Neil feel like he should stop running.

Perhaps that’s what was scaring him most of all. Not the fact that the two coaches had wandered into the room, not the fact that Coach Wymack was talking to the blond man about Kevin Day. Yet another one of his mother’s warnings.

This blond man—Andrew, Wymack had called him—hadn’t taken his eyes off of Neil since he’d bolted into the room, five—ten—even fifteen minutes ago. How much precious time had he wasted sitting here like running wasn’t his entire life? Like his life wasn’t dependent upon his ability to run.

“He’s coming with us.” Andrew declares, taking a step towards him before changing his mind when Neil flinches back.

“Andrew we can’t just kidnap him!” Wymack says, throwing his hands up in the air. Andrew ignores him and takes another step towards Neil, his gaze steady despite the unnerving smile on his face.

“No. He wants to come with us.” His voice leaves no room for argument.

“I-I can’t.” Neil’s eyes were flitting between the three men in the room, looking for an escape route.

Just as Wymack opens his mouth, presumably to try and convince Neil to join the team, Kevin Day comes around the corner.

“Josten, I don’t know what your hang up is, but this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Plus you’re probably the only competent person we’ve seen all year. Take the damn contract.” Kevin comes towards Neil and is inexplicably stopped by Andrew, who quickly and deftly swings the exy stick he was still holding to block Kevin’s path.

Andrew turns his attention back to Neil, his gaze calculating. Neil was feeling very trapped right now, backed against the lockers with four people surrounding him. His eyes go to the stick on the ground by his feet. Andrew immediately follows his line of sight and takes a step forward.

“Everyone out.”                                                                                                

Coach Hernandez and Kevin look at Wymack like he’s insane when he moves towards the door. Each step Wymack takes away from him, Neil feels himself relax fractionally. Hernandez narrows his eyes, not quite trusting Andrew with Neil. After a moment, Kevin follows Wymack’s lead, and Hernandez follows Kevin.

“I don’t intend to wait for you to figure out whether the fuck you remember me.”

Neil narrows his eyes. Was Andrew one of his father’s or the Moriyama’s business associates? Clearly he thought he knew who Neil was. Try as he might, he couldn’t place Andrew’s—abet weirdly familiar—face.

“This is the only time I’m going to say this, take that asshole Day’s advice. Sign the damn contract.” Andrew throws something at Neil’s feet and leaves the room.

~~~

Neil doesn’t stare at the contract for long before giving in to the deep longing in his soul. Something deep within him told him to pick up the contract and sign on the dotted line. Since Neil Josten was technically 18, he was able to sign the contract without the parent permission.

Shouldering his duffel and squaring his shoulders, preparing himself to break the only promises he can remember making to his mother, he follows the voices to the lounge where he throws the signed contract on the table in front of Andrew, preferring him to the other two representatives of the foxes.

Kevin was off-putting for reasons Neil couldn’t put his finger on and Wymack was the right age and gender to trigger something in his subconscious that made him wary.

Andrew’s manic smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, even if there was an inkling of something there.

“Didn’t I tell you all? The rabbit wants to come with us.” He stands, surveys Neil and motions for him to follow.

“Andrew he’s not coming with us now, he has to finish the year here.” Wymack is looking at him like he’s insane. Andrew just looks bored as he stares back at his coach.

“It’s only a few more weeks,” Neil says softly, and for some reason, the thought of being left here alone leaves him feeling hollowed out. Andrew turns his attention back to Neil momentarily before turning to Wymack and shrugging. Without another word he leaves the four of them standing there.

Wymack rounds on Kevin after a few seconds, “did you give him keys to the car?”

Kevin looks anywhere but at his coach, making his way quickly towards the door.

“Goddamn it Day! We’re walking back to the hotel for sure now.” He lightly cuffs Kevin on the back of the head, a gesture of affection more than anything else. Even though this is clear to Neil he still flinches harshly and Hernandez pauses to look at Neil.

“Are you sure things are okay at home?”

“I’m fine,” Neil responds automatically.

“Do you need a ride home? It might help to have someone else break the news to them about the commitment you just made.” He hesitates at the door, waiting to see what Neil says in response.

“Everything is fine.” He bites out the words, just wanting everyone to leave him alone for once. He didn’t need protecting. He was armed to the teeth—kind of—and he knew how to defend himself. Hernandez just looks at him disappointedly before leaving the room.

Now he just had to survive the last few weeks of Millport before he’d be moving again. And he’d only stay with Wymack’s broken foxes long enough to figure out what Andrew knew and how much he had told.

In the mean time, he was going to try and figure out why he wasn’t supposed to talk to Kevin Day and why Andrew seemed to know who he was.


	3. No, Seriously, Who The Fuck is Sefan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my dears, this update is early because I have multitudes of time this week so you'll get a couple extra chapters.  
> Let me know what you think!

Neil’s last few weeks of high school, he spent more time skipping class than actually going. He’d been flipping through the binder at the bottom of his bag, wondering at so many of the things it contained. He’d been getting flashes of things, things just at the edge of his memory.

~~~

_A young boy was running at him, childish mouth tripping over his long name. After a moment the boy gives up, calling down the court to him “Nate! Nate pass the ball!”_

_Nathaniel was running, exy stick grasped tightly in his small hands. Another boy darts out at the last second, cutting off his clear path to the goal but he quickly skirts around the boy and launches the ball towards the goal, pumping his fist in the air when it lights up red._

_The boy from before is back, whining in front of Nathaniel’s face, “_ Nate” _he draws out the last syllable to show his displeasure._

_“Give it up Kevin. A goal is a goal.”_

~~~

The rest of the memory slips through Neil’s fingers. It was easy enough to put two and two together to get four and realize that the boy from his memory was Kevin, which meant that the other boy was, more likely than not, Riko Moriyama.

So Kevin and Neil had known each other. To what extent, Neil still didn’t know, but he considered himself lucky that Kevin hadn’t been able to immediately figure out who he was, unlike Andrew. Although, he supposes, that wasn’t that shocking because Andrew remembered everything.

That thought pulls Neil up short. How did he know that? Andrew wasn’t in his memory of the game with Kevin and Riko, so it probably wasn’t from there, wherever there was.

The easiest thing to do, Neil decides, is google Andrew—and all the other foxes of course. He needed to know what he would be up against. What he had signed himself up for.

A natural starting point was the team’s current captain—Dan Wilds. He didn’t care much for the sordid details of her past, deeming them, and her, irrelevant after a few moments. According to the tabloids, she was dating another fox, Matt Boyd, who also seemed harmless enough and irrelevant.

The only people on the team that Neil deemed “relevant” were Andrew and his twin, Aaron, their cousin, Nicky, and Renee Walker. There wasn’t much about her on the internet, but something about the way she carried herself gave Neil an uneasy feeling.

Andrew was definitely a threat, even if Neil’s subconscious told him otherwise. The only reason Aaron and Nicky were relevant was because Andrew had demonstrated that he would do anything to protect them.

He’d only stay long enough to find out what Andrew knows.  That’s what he told himself over and over again. As soon as he determined how much of a threat to his survival Andrew was, he’d fix it then be on his way.

~~~

Neil did not go to graduation.

He had made an uneasy call to Coach Wymack from Coach Hernandez’s phone, confirming flights and pickup times

“You’re sure everything is fine?” Coach Hernandez asks, looking at Neil like he’d finally give him the answer he’s looking for.

“Everything is fine.” Neil doesn’t even have to think about his response anymore. With Neil, everything was always fine. Even when it wasn’t.

Coach looked at him like he knew that too, but he let the topic drop, clapping Neil on the shoulder and not commenting when he flinches from the sudden human contact.

~~~

Flying was not a new experience for Neil. Flying alone, however, was new and distinctly uncomfortable. He didn’t feel like he had anyone watching his back. After he got off the plane in South Carolina, he found himself constantly looking over his shoulder and gripping the handles on his duffle bag like it might, at any second, be ripped from his grasp.

One of the Minyard twins is standing at baggage claim, but Neil can’t tell which one. The typical armbands that Andrew is always seen wearing are missing, but he’s also wearing a long-sleeve shirt, which is atypical in the heat.

The twin is missing Andrew’s manic smile too, but something about him seems familiar. Neil narrows his eyes at the blond man, trying to figure it out.

“Do you need to get a bag or can we go?”

Neil pats his bag before raising an eyebrow, “so do you just feel it necessary to not introduce yourself or am I to assume we’ve already met?”

He doesn’t get a response, but something about the way the man walks screams at him that it’s Andrew. Neil’s slightly unnerved that he has any sort of knowledge at all of how Andrew walks.

A horn honking draws him out of his head.

He quickly climbs into the passenger seat of the car and buckles his seatbelt as Andrew peels away from the curb. His grip on the wheel is so tight that his knuckles are turning white. For some inexplicable reason, Neil wants to reach over and just brush Andrew’s fingers in an attempt to get him to loosen his grip. In the same thought, Neil knows that he’d do more harm than good.

“So tell me, _Neil,”_ his name is said with a sneer, “how did you come to be in Millport?”

Neil begins to rattle off the lie he’d woven, knowing very well that it would probably be a mistake, but not willing to share his secrets. The car whips into a parking lot not 30 seconds into his story and Andrew is leaning across the center consul, invading his space.

“I don’t like liars, _Stefan.”_

Neil’s frustration gets the better of him when he blurts “who the fuck is Stefan!?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to comment but don't know what to say, answer one of the questions I've posed. The latest one is, if you're an artist, what's your favorite medium to work in?  
> I prefer watercolors for some reason, I have no idea why


	4. Interesting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my dears, here's the latest chapter for you lovely people. This probably will be the last one until the weekend, but I'll have at least one more up before monday.   
> Reading all your comments just makes my day! I smile every time I see the notifications in my email.

Neil’s snarled words bring Andrew up short. No matter what he expected Neil’s response to be, it clearly wasn’t that. He murmurers something to himself that Neil doesn’t catch.

Neil narrows his eyes at Andrew. He was struggling to come up with a way to be tactful but still ask Andrew what he knew about the Moriyamas. At this point, any normal person would ask ‘how do you know me?’ But for Neil that seemed like a dangerous game, and it was dangerously close to him admitting the truth—that he hadn’t always been Neil. That he wasn’t running away to college to get away from abusive parents.

Andrew’s phone ringing draws his attention away from where it was focused on Neil’s face.

“What is it Kevin?” His voice is a hiss. “I don’t care if Wymack is worried…no he’s still alive…what did you not understand about ‘I’m not a threat to him’…dumbass.” He hangs up the phone, decidedly ignoring Neil when he sits there and stares slack-jawed.

“What?!” He eventually barks, startling Neil into looking back out the window.

After a moment, Andrew realizes that Neil’s trying to make himself look as small as possible, and it only serves to irritate him more. He didn’t do soothing. He wasn’t comforting. How would he even begin to know how to comfort someone, when he had never been given any sort of comfort.

So, instead of doing anything of the sort, he just grips the steering wheel tighter and swears more profusely at the other drivers on the road.

He jerks the car to a stop in front of Wymack’s apartment complex. “Out of the car, rabbit.” Neil barely gets the door closed before Andrew speeds off, leaving Nicky, Aaron, Kevin, and possibly worst of all, Neil to stare after him, confused. He needed to talk to Renee’.

Just as he’s getting ready to turn the corner, Andrew notices Aaron making a rude gesture at him. He only laughs as he floors it coming out of the turn.

~~~

“Hi I’m Nicky and Coach wanted to be here but he had to go to the court to talk to the ERC. But that’s okay because we’re here to be your welcoming party!” He was talking a million miles a minute and it exhausted Neil to listen to him.

“You’re lucky that you get to stay here because it’s really crowded at Abby’s right now. Oh, do you know Abby? She’s our nurse. She’s cool. I mean, she has to be, letting me and the peanut gallery live—“

“HEY!” Kevin interjects, clearly taking offense to the ‘peanut gallery’ remark. Neil smirks slightly and that’s all it takes to encourage Nicky’s chattering.

~~~

Andrew had to admit, he felt a little like he’d thrown Neil to the wolves. Despite his rabbit like tendencies though, Andrew had seen first hand how well Neil could defend himself. Or at least, how well he used to be able to defend himself. After talking to Renee’, Andrew was going to do some digging to try and figure out just what had happened to him.

~~~

Wymack came back to find Neil almost huddled in a corner clutching his bag while Nicky flapped his hands around and talked animatedly about something. Kevin and Aaron were on the couch, on their respective phones, doing their best to ignore everyone else in the room.

He clapped his hands to get everyone’s attention and Neil jumped, pressing himself further back into the corner. “Neil, I see you’ve made it up here in one piece. Nicky give him some room to breathe, and for the love of fuck, where is Andrew? He better not be getting into my liquor cabinet.”

Neil jumps when Nicky hisses, “where the fuck did he go?” The surprising part of Nicky’s statement wasn’t how it was phrased, or the tone he used, but the language in which it was said. How did Nicky know Neil spoke German? Andrew. So he knew more than he was letting on.

Just as Neil opens his mouth to respond, Aaron whispers back, also in German, “who the fuck knows. He isn’t here.”

“He’s not here Coach, no need to worry about your alcohol supply.” Despite Nicky’s easy tone, his face was creased with worry.

“Right then. Neil, glad to see Nicky didn’t kill you with his driving.”

All eyes in the room unsubtly shift towards Neil. He narrows his eyes at Nicky and Aaron before turning to Wymack. “Trust me, I’ve survived worse.”

The look of concern he gets from his new coach and several of his new teammates is lost on Neil.

Nicky’s phone rings then and he steps aside to answer it.

Neil is willing to bet all the clothes in his duffle that it’s Andrew on the other end of the phone. Nicky’s nodding along with whatever Andrew is saying, making affirmative noises before he glances to Neil and says “sure.” Which does nothing to instill confidence in Neil.

“Alright crew, we’re rolling out.” Nicky hangs up the phone and starts towards the door. The other two just blink at him for a moment before Aaron shrugs and leaves. Neil is still hovering by the corner. “That means you too, pretty boy.”

Nicky’s words take Neil by surprise, for any number of reasons. He’d never considered himself pretty, always seeing Nathan’s face staring back at him from the mirror. Not to mention the fact that he definitely hadn’t considered himself a part of Andrew’s group.

Neil blinks at him for a moment before turning to address Wymack. “I need to leave my bag somewhere safe?” He ignores Nicky’s clear interest in what could possibly be in his duffle. When Wymack gestures to the side of the couch Neil clutches his bag tighter. “This is everything I own.”

Wymack nods and gestures for Neil to follow him down the hall. He gets out his keys to unlock the bottom desk drawer, and then smacks himself on the forehead. “Before I forget. These keys are for you.” He tosses two key rings to Neil before briefly explaining what they’re for. “And don’t let them take advantage of you. Stand up for yourself.” Wymack looks at him seriously.

Neil just nods before putting his bag in the drawer and watching as Wymack locks it back again and turns to hand him the key. Neil just looks at it for a moment before putting it on the key ring with the key to Wymack’s apartment and squeezing them tightly in his hand. The feel of the teeth biting into his palm was comforting.

“Thanks,” he says awkwardly before making his escape.

Nicky was still waiting by the front door. Neil follows him out wordlessly, not caring enough to put in the effort necessary for conversation.

Andrew’s fancy car was idling by the curb and Kevin was sitting in the front seat, pouting. Neil follows Nicky into the back seat and his heart nearly stops when Andrew turns around to face him. He had a nasty black eye and his knuckles were red.

Suddenly, Neil’s back in the past.

It’s not a full memory this time, just a glimpse. A glimpse of a younger Andrew, bruised and bloody.

When Neil shakes himself free of the haunting image, realizing too late that he’d leaned forward and had opened his mouth to say something, though he had no idea what.

Andrew was staring back at him with narrowed eyes. “Interesting,” is all he says before turning back towards the road and peeling out of the parking lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know what you think! Latest question: Have you seen Newsies on netflix? I have and I fucking love it


	5. The Court

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends  
> Sorry i'm so behind with this chapter but (if you'll allow me to make excuses) i found out yesterday that i broke a bone in my ankle and one in my heel so i've been dealing with that and being a cripple takes lots of time apparently so sorry about that.  
> Also sorry if this chapter isn't the greatest, but I wanted you guys to have something in case I disappear for a week or so. If i do, I'm really sorry and I promise i'm not abandoning you.

Nicky started chattering again, oblivious to the obvious tension in the car. Aaron and Kevin were staring between Andrew and Neil, trying to figure out what was going on.

Neil zones back into the conversation when Nicky calls his name a few times. “I asked if you had a girlfriend.”

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business.” Neil raises his chin defiantly.

“I guess I’m just curious.” He shrugs.

Unwittingly, Neil’s eyes dart to Andrew before he answers, “I don’t swing.” _At least I don’t think I do._ Neil only contributes the last part to the hypothetical version of the conversation in his head. Andrew parks the car and looks back at Neil, something in his face telling Neil that he knows there was more to that statement.

Feeling uncharacteristically _seen,_ Neil escapes from the car and waits for Kevin to punch in the code to door of the Foxhole Court. Nicky’s explaining the reason for the passcode and Neil’s zoned out again. He knows he shouldn’t, but his mind just keeps wandering off.

Offhandedly, Neil wonders if this was a side-effect of the memory-loss or if he was like this before. A pinch to the back of his arm brings him back to the conversation. Andrew moves from behind him to push past Kevin and farther down the hall.

Kevin points out which key to use as they unlock the next door, and the accompanying feeling of _home_ Neil feels when the lock clicks and he pushes the door open surprises him. Neil continues into the lounge, looking at the wall of pictures. A steady presence appears behind his back, and Neil knows it couldn’t be anyone other than Andrew.

“There aren’t any pictures of you guys with the others unless they’re formal pictures,” Neil observes after a moment. Andrew steps up next to him and squints at a few of the pictures before shrugging and walking away. When Neil turns around Andrew is looking at Kevin expectantly. Kevin was either ignoring him, or didn’t notice because he was staring at Neil.

“Are you done? There’s more to see.” Kevin leaves the room, clearly expecting Neil to follow him. He points out the nurse, Abby’s, office, along with Wymack’s office before pausing briefly in front of the locker room doors. Neil had just barely poked his head inside before Kevin was nearly dragging him down the hall.

They pause in the room that led to the stadium, at which point Neil noticed that they had lost Andrew somewhere along the way. The logical part of his brain that knew not to be worried, and knew that Andrew wasn’t his responsibility clearly wasn’t communicating loud enough with the other part of his brain, because when he notices Andrew’s absence, something in him starts to panic.

Neil shoves that part of himself down, trying to slyly look around to see if Andrew had just stepped out of his line of sight.

Inexplicably, the panicking part of his brain calms when Andrew reappears a moment later. Neil tells himself that it’s because when he can see Andrew, he’s less of a threat. Andrew raises an eyebrow at him before producing a bottle of pills from somewhere and dry swallowing one.

Andrew tosses the bottle of pills to Kevin, who pockets them calmly and turns to Neil. After a few seconds, Neil realizes why they’re here, remembers what lies just beyond the door behind Kevin.

When he starts moving towards them, Kevin steps out of his way before pointing out the correct key to use to unlock the door.

After the door swings open, Neil doesn’t want to waste time freeing his keys from the door, but he also doesn’t want one of the others to think it would be funny to pocket them. So after a few precious seconds were wasted, Neil ventures down the dark hallway.

Someone flips on the court lights for him, and the sight of the real court that he’d get to play on—the sight of his court—steals his breath away. If he felt like he belonged on Millport’s sorry excuse for a court, the feeling of stepping onto the Foxhole court was so much stronger.

Neil felt like he could spend the rest of his life here. He could die on this court and die a happy man. He almost expected Andrew to invade his thoughts as he thought about his death, and was surprised when he didn’t

If it took too long for Neil to figure out what Andrew knows, he might just get to die on this court. A deep breath in filled his nose with the smell of the court, and the only smell he held with the same tenderness was the smell of cigarettes. That one, he knew why it was special. The smell of the court, that was just another piece in the puzzle that was his life before Millport.

Nicky’s voice draws him out of his head. “No wonder,” he says, “no wonder he chose you.”

Neil turns to look at him, tilting his head to the side slightly, not understanding. He didn’t really care though. Not when the court was right there. When he had gear nearby. When he could suit up and take off down the court like he’d been itching to do since Wymack had signed him.

Kevin pounds on the court to get his attention, rather than just speak to him. Neil rolls his eyes and drags himself off the court. Nicky is nattering on again, except this time it’s about the court and exy, so Neil tunes in. He’s not trying to be rude, but listening to Nicky talk exhausts him and he wants to have enough energy to hit the court running after changing out.

The first stop is his gear locker where Neil pulls out a bright orange windbreaker with his name and number on the back “You could see these from space,” he says wryly, ignoring Aaron’s slight scoff.

Nicky grins at him, “Dan ordered them because she said she was tired of people being able to ignore us.”

Neil looks from his dark clothes to the bright jacket before shoving it back in his locker.

He grabs some of his gear before taking it to one of the stalls to change, unwilling to give up more secrets than they might already know.

Nicky and Aaron don’t say anything when he emerges, just continue on to the gear closet and pull the sticks out so that Neil could pick his up.

He resisted the urge to put the racket to his face and smell it. New gear was something he hadn’t smelled in a long time—wait a second. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d smelled new gear. But there was something familiar about it. He takes another breath and then he figures it out.

~~~

_“Nathaniel, do not mess this up for us. Do you understand?” His father was snarling down at him, teeth bared in an ugly sneer. Nathaniel nods, not wanting to make his father mad._

_As soon as his father leaves, his mother is there, carefully helping him into the exy padding that had been laid out for him. She handed him the stick and he held the net to his face, breathing in the smell. When he turned back to his mother, he was grinning._

_She smiled sadly down at him before leaving the room. The door opens and a man comes to stand in front of Neil—_

~~~

He resists the urge to curse as the memory fades away. The man’s face was blurry, which was all the more infuriating. As he’d been lost in his memory, he’d knotted his fingers in the net. He winced as he let go and tried to untangle them.

“JOSTEN! Get your ass out here!” Kevin’s harsh bark jerks Neil’s attention back towards the court.

Neil jerks on his gloves outer and turns to Kevin, a feral grin on his face.

Just as he turns to move towards the court, movement out of the corner of his eye draws his attention. Andrew was standing at the locker room door, looking too much like a specter for comfort. Neil starts to take a step in his direction before Kevin calls his name again and Neil shakes his head. He really needed to figure out what was going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know what you think. And this time, if you celebrate christmas, do you collect any types of ornaments? If you don't celebrate christmas, or you just happen to like this question better, what's one of your favorite family traditions?   
> I collect horse ornaments and my mom collects owls. And every winter my mom and i make butter flake rolls that we share with our family and it warms my soul.


	6. Basically a 5.5, not really a full chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello my dears, I'm sorry I took so long and that I disappeared for so long.   
> i couldn't count this as a full chapter and feel good about myself, but here's a baby chapter to hopefully tide you over until my finals can stop trying to kill me.   
> Sorry if you thought I was dead, once i get home thursday i should go back to regular updates.   
> As always, let me know what you think!!  
> (reading all your kind words is seriously helping me live through these horrible tests, as a sad aside on that note, like half the people in my math final were crying in the test last night, so that's how my life is going)  
> Also, this hasn't been edited, so sorry about that, but i'm literally dying and i should be studying right now. But i digress.

Neil left the court feeling invigorated but disappointed all at once. He got the feeling that no matter how long he spent inside those walls, it would never be enough. He misses the look that the cousins share as they leave the court ahead of him, too busy focusing on Andrew and Kevin. Andrew was sprawled on one of the team benches, a bottle of alcohol on the ground by his head.

Kevin was clearly lecturing him about something, and Andrew was clearly not paying attention.

“—just saying Andrew.”

“Bored.” Andrew says in that monotone voice that makes something in Neil break a little every time he hears it.

“Josten. Good. We need to talk about your technique. You’re sloppy and unrefined. It’s going to take all year to get you where you should be.” Kevin starts to invade Neil’s space so he holds his exy stick out, impeding Kevin’s path.

“And I told you as much when you signed me.”

Kevin grabs the end of Neil’s exy stick, tugging on it. Neil holds fast, trying to pull the stick from Kevin’s grasp. Andrew watches the exchange with a blank face, raising an eyebrow at Neil when he catches his gaze.

“Give me your game.” Kevin demands, drawing Neil’s attention back to the current conversation. “Stop ignoring the fact that things are different now. You aren’t some prodigy here, you’re just another fox.”

Neil steps forward, preparing for a fight, ignoring the feeling of _home_ that the words had ignited within him. His face had twisted into a snarl. “I was never a prodigy. I was a bored kid that _you_ chose for your band of misfits.”

“Give me your game.” Kevin insists. He tugs on the end of Neil’s racquet again and looks surprised when Neil surrenders it—if only to keep from trying to hit him with it.

“Fine.”

The look of surprise on Kevin’s face grows when Neil moves around him towards the locker rooms. “Close your mouth, you’ll catch flies,” Neil throws snidely over his shoulder, trying to decipher his near sigh of relief when Andrew gets up and follows him out of the court.

Kevin stares after them, slack-jawed. “Andrew!” he calls.

Andrew looks back at him, an eyebrow raised, “yes dear?”

Neil lets out a choked laugh as he goes around the corner to the locker room. Nicky and Aaron were already in the shower by the time he makes it in there and starts stripping off his external gear.

Andrew appears silently at his shoulder, hovering just far enough away that they weren’t touching but close enough that Neil could feel the heat of his body.

“You smell like a sweat sock,” he supplies helpfully. Neil looks at him out of the corner of his eyes, not saying anything. “Abby won’t let you in if you smell.”

“I’m going to shower after everyone else leaves. If you don’t want to wait for me, don’t.” Neil shrugs as he pulls his shoes off and wiggles his toes in his socks.

Kevin waltzes into the room, “good. We won’t wait then.” He makes for the door, but Andrew doesn’t move from where he was hovering by Neil.

“We will wait, because the little rabbit doesn’t have to wait for everyone to leave to shower. Coach put in shower stalls.” He notices that Neil was still stalling, so he shoves him in the direction of the showers. Neil throws a look over his shoulder, but gets up to investigate all the same.


	7. When the world starts to crash down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SHIT IS ABOUT TO HIT THE FAN  
> So this chapter is especially violent, just warning you. If you're not into that, skip all the italics, and you should be fine to read the rest of the chapter.   
> Things are happening! So, let me know what you think!

Neil was nearly finished with his shower when humming from the sinks drew his attention. He froze and listened for a second, trying to figure out who was hovering, waiting for him to finish. The humming doesn’t come any closer, but nonetheless Neil rushes to finish rinsing the shampoo out of his hair and dry off before struggling to pull his clothes on.

He flings the door open to find Andrew sitting on the counter, looking ridiculously childish as he swings his legs back and forth. “Ah, hello Neil-Stefan.  The others are anxiously awaiting your arrival. They don’t trust me with you.”

That vicious smile is back and Neil wants to shout. Instead, he turns on his heel and walks back towards the lockers.

“Run away little Rabbit,” Andrew’s voice trails after him, the sing-song tone of the words sending a shiver up Neil’s spine. _There’s a difference,_ Neil thinks, _between running scared, and self-preservation._

He’s immediately accosted by Nicky as he comes around the corner. “So Neil, when you said you don’t swing, is there any way I could convince you otherwise?” He punctuates the sentence with a waggle of his eyebrows.

“I don’t swing.” Neil stays carefully out of Nicky’s reach.

Nicky takes a step towards him, “oh c’mon, you’re cute, and you’re safer than Kevin—Andrew’s territorial as shit over him,” Nicky explains at Neil’s confused look.

“I don’t swing,” Neil repeats, his tone leaving little room for argument.

Nicky doesn’t notice Andrew appear behind Neil.  “What if I gave you a little push?” He steps towards Neil as he says this before noticing Andrew’s presence. After glancing at Andrew’s face he laughs nervously, “on second thought, I better not.”

Neil didn’t believe that Nicky was that much of an active threat, but he still wasn’t comfortable around the other man. Unconsciously, he shifts his weight back onto his heels until he’s just close enough to feel the heat that was radiating from Andrew.

This doesn’t go unnoticed by Andrew, who quietly notes that all was not lost. Nicky starts to edge around Neil and Andrew to leave the locker room when Andrew grabs his arm, “keep your hands off what’s mine.”

Nicky whines and Neil’s not sure if it’s from the force of Andrew’s grip or because of what he said. Neil didn’t like anyone feeling like they owned him, but with Andrew, it somehow felt different; less like he was a possession, and more like he was—not a responsibility so much, but someone that Andrew had decided to add into his small circle of charges.

Neil zones back into the conversation just in time to catch the end of Nicky’s response, “—already have Kevin. What’s even going on with you two? You’re the only one he lets even remotely close.”

Andrew shrugs, “I can’t account for the rabbit’s judgement, however poor or good it may be.”

Neil bristles at that, there wasn’t a thing wrong with his judgement. It was impeccable. It hadn’t steered him wrong so far. “My judgement is flawless,” Neil butts in, looking at Nicky indignantly.

Andrew laughs a vicious laugh at that, moving around him and hauling Nicky down the hall. With a sigh, Neil rakes his hand through his hair before going out to the car. Kevin was situated unhappily behind the driver’s seat, with Aaron crammed in the middle seat and Andrew behind the passenger seat.

Something tells Neil that Andrew did that intentionally, just like he does everything else.

Kevin spent the entire drive complaining that it wasn’t fair that Andrew got the most leg room when he was the shortest.

They get out of the car and Kevin still doesn’t stop whining. They make it halfway to the house before Andrew turns around and grins at Kevin. “Kevin. Shut up.” His tone was falsely cheery, but Kevin seemed to take it as the threat it obviously was.

Neil trailed behind all of them as they walked up to the door of the house. Nicky hangs back a bit, noticing the skeptical look on Neil’s face.

“This is Abby’s house. She’s the team’s nurse. We’re staying with her, and normally that’s where you’d say, but there’s four of us here, and coach wanted to introduce you slowly because Andrew likes to break things.” He sounded remarkably sad as he spoke, looking at Andrew’s retreating back with a wistful look on his face.

“Did he break you?” Neil asks, foregoing tactfulness in favor of getting the answer he wanted.

Nicky looks at him sharply and Neil just shrugs. It’s obvious that Nicky is weighing his words carefully before answering. He’s saved when Andrew whistles from the door. “C’mon rabbit, everyone is waiting on you.”

Neil looks at Nicky over his shoulder as he walks towards the house.

“Neil,” Nicky’s voice calls after him. “Why do you want to know?”

“Curiosity.”

“Curiosity killed the cat,” Nicky warns, catching up to Neil.

Neil feels his father’s grin spread across his face and tones it down a bit when he sees Nicky flinch back. “You see, I find that phrase very misleading, because that’s not the entire phrase. It starts out with curiosity killed the cat, but that’s not the end. It ends with—“

“—but satisfaction brought it back.” Andrew finishes the sentence for him, making Neil and Nicky whip their heads around to look at him.

Neil turns to grin at him, shouldering past Nicky to go inside. He was not prepared for all the heads in the room to swivel to look at him. Wymack was standing next to a woman his age, and she was looking at Neil with an appraising gaze that he did not care for one bit. Aaron and Kevin had been having some sort of heated discussion but the second they noticed Wymack and Abby stop talking they stopped talking and turned their attention towards the door.

Andrew appears at his shoulder and draws Abby’s gaze. She looks between them, concerned. It doesn’t take long for Wymack’s gaze to settle on them too. Neil ignores them, whereas Andrew challenges them to say something.

Abby claps her hands, “alright, the food is almost done. Kevin set the table. Nicky go help him. Aaron, go make sure nothing is about to catch on fire. Andrew,” she looks at the way Andrew was hovering over Neil’s shoulder. She shakes her head with a sigh and turns to Neil.

“I’m Abby. I’m housing this lot and I’m the team nurse, but I presume that you know that already.”

Neil nods, not moving from his spot by the door. She was less of a threat than Wymack, but she was still an adult.

“If they don’t leave you alone,” she nods to Andrew where he was standing behind Neil, “you should tell David or I, and we can step in.”

The use of his name draws Wymack from the kitchen where he’d wandered to stop the three boys from bickering.

“That’s right. I don’t want a repeat of last year. Got it?” His words were harsh and directed at Andrew, but they made Neil’s skin prickle all the same.

A fleeting touch on the back of his arm draws Neil back to the present. Andrew moves around him and grins manically at Wymack, “nothing will happen, and even if it does, Bee can pick up the pieces.”

Neil takes a step back towards the door. “Bee?” He asks.

Andrew turns that manic smile on him, “the team psychologist, you get to meet her in the fall.”

Neil’s heart starts to race again. Psychologists were bad news. Maybe he wouldn’t say as long as he’d like. As much as he hated to admit it, he was starting to like it here, the numerous threats aside.

“Aw look at that. The rabbit has a problem with shrinks. What’s the matter, _Neil?_ Have any deep, dark secrets rolling around in your head?”

The rapid changes in Andrew’s demeanor were giving Neil whiplash. _He wasn’t like this before,_ Neil thinks, jerking when realizes what he had just thought. He had no way to know what Andrew was like before. Did he?

He needed to catch Andrew when he was off his meds and ask some questions, until then, he wasn’t going to unpack. Andrew had the potential to turn turncoat at any moment. _He wouldn’t._ A small part of Neil’s brain chimes in.

Now it was his own emotions giving him whiplash. When he risks a glance at Andrew, he was greeted with that manic smile that looked so out of place on his normally serene face.

“Interesting,” he says before turning on his heel and indicating that Neil follow him.

Aaron scoffs from his spot on the entryway to the hall, “he’s already got you trained like a dog,” he sneers at Neil.

Neil bristles and starts in his direction before a hand on the back of his shirt jerks him back. In an instant, he’s transported back to his childhood.

~~~

_Nathaniel was running, Lola and his father’s haunting laugher chasing after him. If he could just find somewhere to hide. It didn’t have to be very large, just small enough to hide his smaller than average body. Neil had always been small for his age, maybe that was his body’s way of rebelling. The smaller he was, the less places his father and Lola could hurt him._

_He never made it to where ever he was going to hide._

_A hand wraps in the back of his shirt and tugs hard enough that he falls to the ground and all the air rushes from his lungs. His father was standing over him, twisted smile gone and anger painted across his face._

_“Junior, what have I told you about running from me?”_

_Nathaniel opens his mouth to respond but his father hauls him up by his hair, silencing his response in favor of hearing his cry of pain. Lola was standing just behind his father, twirling a knife around and grinning manically._

_Nathaniel couldn’t breathe. And that was the key to surviving his father and Lola. Being able to breathe. And his father knew that, that’s why he had ensured that Nathaniel would be unable to take a breath._

_His father drags him over to the rug in front of the fire place by the back of his shirt, laughing when Nathaniel sputtered for air. He was becoming frantic now, struggling to get away, even knowing that would only make his treatment worse._

_Lola shoves his shirt up and exposes his torso. “What do you think Nathan? Should we play with the knives today, or should we bring some heat to this party?”_

_The way she eyes the coals in the fire makes Nathaniel thrash and cry even harder._

_Nathan flips him over exposing his mostly unscarred lower back. With a gleeful cackle, Lola grabs the ash shovel from the assortment of cast iron tools resting by the fireplace. She scoops up a bunch of the smoldering coals and shakes them out on Nathaniel’s back._

_It felt like his flesh was peeling off. Nathaniel would never forget the smell of burning skin as long as he lived. He thrashed harder, displacing more coals, but creating a spider-web of burn marks across his back and down his sides._

_“Please,” he cries, trying to crane his neck to look at his father beseechingly, knowing that it wouldn’t do any good._

_Lola comes back with another shovel full of coals and Nathaniel cries even harder, struggling to get away. Nathan looks down at his back and flips him over._

_“Give me those coals Lola I’ve got an idea.” He produces a pair of tongs from somewhere before instructing Lola to sit on Nathaniel’s legs. Then he starts lining the coals up just beneath Nathaniel’s right pectoral. Lola couldn’t see around Nathan to know what he was doing, but she knew from the way Nathaniel was thrashing that it was good._

_After about five minutes he stands and lets the boy go. There, seared onto the skin above his ribcage in angry red burn marks was “Jr”. His father grins maliciously at him as Nathaniel scrambles away from them._

_“That way you never forget who you are.”_

~~~

Neil comes back to himself to find that he’s lying on the ground in Abby’s living room and Andrew was kneeling next to him. His face was as apathetic as always, but his eyes were beyond concerned.

Neil’s hand goes to his ribcage, and Andrew’s gaze follows it. He could still feel the pain of the hot coals, still hear his father’s laughter. His breaths started to get quicker and then a hand pulls him up and pushes his head between his knees, pressing on the back of his neck just hard enough that he could tell it was Andrew.

“Abram, breathe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question of the update: have you ever been burned by a hot coal before?  
> I have. My best friend is a bit of a pyro and has problems leaving the coals in the fire. I had to learn the hard way (twice) to always wear shoes when we have a bonfire.


	8. The Right Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew stands and stomps out the butt of his cigarette beneath his shoe, “if you want the right answers, you need to ask the right questions.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys, your comments helped me survive my finals (and checking my class grades ugh). I love you all! Please let me know what you think!

It didn’t take long for Neil to get his breathing under control, but he sat on the floor, not moving, just to see what Andrew would do. He sits there with Neil for a moment, but after seeing that he’s not in any immediate danger, he grows bored and stands.

“Whenever you’re finished sitting on Abby’s floor, there’s a perfectly good chair in the kitchen.” With that, he strolls away and leaves Neil sitting there.

Cautiously, Neil lifts his head and looks around, no one else was in the room with him, thankfully, which meant that no one else had seen his freak out.

His mother would’ve slapped the shit out of him for crumpling to the ground like that. And it was only his memory of her that convinced him to get up off the ground and make his way to the kitchen.

“Neil, you _are_ alive!” Nicky calls happily from his spot at the table. Neil just raises an eyebrow at him before noticing that the only open seat was next to Andrew. Offhandedly, he wonders if that was engineered or accidental.

Abby keeps trying to make polite conversation, but Neil was determined to stay as detached as possible. The less he liked these people, and the less they liked him, the better off he was going to be in the long run.

When Neil zones back into the conversation Kevin and Andrew were bickering, as Neil was discovering was the norm for them.

“I’m just saying, if you actually tried during practice instead of slinking off somewhere to sleep we might have a chance of making something out of these pathetic wannabes.”

Wymack and Nicky both made sounds of offense at Kevin’s statement, but Andrew just continued to pick at his nails with a knife he had produced from somewhere. Nicky looked like he wanted to say something about that, but he kept his mouth shut.

“Day, for some of us, beauty rest actually works.”

Neil sputters out a laugh before covering it with a cough. Andrew’s eyes dart to him quickly before focusing back on Kevin.

“Are you saying I need ‘beauty rest’” Kevin asks, incredulous.

Andrew grins at him, “well it certainly couldn’t hurt.”

Kevin sputters uselessly for a few seconds before Nicky just pats him on the back, “don’t worry Kevin, he didn’t really mean it.”   
“Don’t be ridiculous Nicky, I _never_ say anything I don’t mean. You know how I feel about liars. Do you know how I feel about liars _Neil?_ ”

Suddenly all the eyes in the room were on Neil and it made him distinctly uncomfortable. “Haven’t the slightest, although if you’re anything like the rest of the population, you don’t look upon them favorably.”

Andrew slams his knife into the table, just above where Neil’s hand was resting. Protests break out around them as Neil stares at Andrew and he stares back. “I hate liars, and I do not permit them around my family.”

Neil resists the urge to pluck the knife from the table and keep it for himself. Instead, he just sits there and blinks at Andrew, completely unphased.

“Interesting,” Andrew notes before freeing his knife from the table and looking at Nicky.

“Andrew’s sorry for sticking a knife in your table, again.”

Abby just shakes her head and sighs. Part of Neil feels bad, this was obviously a regular occurrence, regular enough that the table around Andrew’s spot was littered with spots like the one right above Neil’s hand.

Wymack frowns at Andrew, grabbing his plate away from him and slamming a can of wood polish and a rag down in front of him. “You know the drill, asshole.”

Andrew notices Neil’s stare and narrows his eyes before spraying the table and harshly rubbing the polish into the wood. After his spot at the table is shining, he gives the can a pitch and laughs maliciously when Kevin dives to catch it to keep it from hitting the ground.

“Prick.” Kevin says from his spot on the floor.

“It must be ‘State the Obvious Day,’ Day.” Andrew stands and walks off, leaving Kevin on the ground and Neil staring after him.

He stepped outside to light a cigarette, trusting Day and Stef—Josten to Nicky and Aaron. They could surely handle one mouthy teen and a barely–adult with an overdeveloped ego.

For once, he sympathized with Wymack when he said he didn’t get paid enough to deal with all of them. His last dose of “happy pills” was about to wear off, so finally his head was starting to clear.

Neil—Neil was an enigma. He was simultaneously the same, but also vastly different than what Andrew remembered. He was much sharper now, much more full of cracks. Before, he was a vase with a few jagged edges. Now, he was a fraction of what he was before. The small part of Andrew that hadn’t been shattered in his childhood, the small part that still believed in love, wanted to try and put him back together. The rest of him—a much larger portion of his brain—reminded him that putting people back together needed someone like Nicky, or Abby, or Bee. Someone softer, with less sharp edges to cut people on.

The door banged shut behind him a moment later. Wymack sighs as he sits next to Andrew on the porch steps, looking at his cigarette with disdain. “You wanna put that out?” He asks.

While he was talking, Wymack missed the tell-tale squeak of the floorboards, signaling that someone was standing just inside the door. The step was too light to be Kevin or Nicky, and Aaron and Abby knew better than to intrude on these conversations, meaning that there was only one person on the other side of the door.

“The Rabbit likes my cigarettes.” Andrew’s eyes dart towards the door. The squeak comes again, but this time, Wymack manages to catch it.

“Okay. Tell me, do you know Neil?”

“Nope.” He pops the ‘p’, and lights another cigarette.

“You act like you know him.” Wymack observes.

“That’s not a question.” Andrew takes a long pull and blows a large plume of smoke out in front of them.

“You aren’t even that familiar with your own family sometimes. Why him?”

Andrew stands and stomps out the butt of his cigarette beneath his shoe, “if you want the right answers, you need to ask the right questions.” He mock salutes the coach before pounding on the door and stalking back out to the car.

 


	9. Midnight Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil waves the cigarette underneath his nose for a moment before turning slightly to face Andrew. “What’re you doing on the roof of Wymack’s building?”
> 
> Andrew scoffs, “you’re wasting a truth on that?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back again! How were you guys' holidays?? Mine was awesome and I found out that I might be getting another horse or two so that's exciting! What's exciting in you guys' lives??
> 
> We learn a little more in this chapter. Also, just so you guys know, I'm messing with the timeline a bit, so don't expect everything to happen in the same way it happens in the books (Not that i think you guys think that, but i just wanted to say it anyway)
> 
> Have a good new year!! (I should have another chapter up before the second of jan)

Neil couldn’t sleep. Something tickled at the back of his mind and his hand goes to the raised scar on his shoulder.

~~~

_They were on the run, again—still—who knows. Adam was tired of running. He just wanted to be normal. He didn’t want to be Adam, or Michael, or whoever he was going to be next._

_They had stayed in North Carolina too long and his father had found them. His mother was gripping his hand tightly, pulling him along. She jerks him along when he stumbles, turning around to glare at him._

_Sometimes Nathaniel felt like a balloon tugged along by his mother, bending to her whims, but always a few steps behind—and when he took too long to catch up, he was pulled along harshly._

_A gunshot from behind them causes Adam to jerk and nearly fall to the ground. His mother curses and shoves him into a car. More gunshots follow the first. The back window shatters out of their car. Adam turns to look out and see how close their pursuers are and a searing pain shoots down his arm. A quick glance shows blood quickly soaking his jacket._

_Adam turns to look at his mom and she curses when she sees his arm. “I told you to not look out the fucking windows. How many times have I told you that?”_

_Adam doesn’t answer, instead he looks around numbly._ This must be shock _he thinks._

_“HOW MANY TIMES?” She demands._

_“Too many,” he says, looking away from her._

_~~~_

Neil jerks out of his dream—memory?—with a start. He needed some air.

Silently, he pads across the room and swipes the beat-up trainers from the end of the couch before creeping out of Wymack’s small apartment. He pauses in the hall to put his shoes on, and for some reason, he goes up the stairs instead of down. The door to the roof is shut, but after a glance over his shoulder, Neil is able to force it open.

A specter-like figure at the edge of the roof catches him off guard. Andrew.

“Well, well, little Rabbit. You’ve grown quite adventurous, and quite trusting. Left that precious bag of yours behind for once I see.”

Neil narrows his eyes, stepping away from the door and out towards where Andrew was perched by the edge of the roof. He wasn’t staying here with Wymack, so he had no reason to be on the roof of Wymack’s apartment.

“What’re you doing up here?” Andrew’s tone is almost conversational.

Neil ignores the question in favor of asking one of his own, “how do you know so much about me?”

Andrew turns and looks at him, “you of all people should know that nothing is given out for free, especially information. Everything comes at a price.”

Neil knew that. Neil had heard those words more times than he’d care to remember—not that he could remember. “I’ll trade you,” he hears himself saying.

That earns him a raised eyebrow. “And what could you possibly have that I want?”

A deep breath. “Truth for Truth. Even if I don’t have many, I must know something you want to know.” Another breath in and out. Even though he hadn’t admitted anything yet, Neil felt like he was bearing his soul to Andrew.

Andrew appeared to ponder this for a moment before sighing and shifting so he was facing back out towards the city that lit up the distant skyline.

“I’m not going to wait all night. If you’re going to join me, sit the fuck down and stop hovering like a mother hen.” Andrew lights a cigarette and takes a long drag.

Neil’s not sure if it’s the darkness of the night giving him courage or if it’s the clarity in Andrew’s eyes, but something in him is whispering to be brave. So, he reaches over and plucks the cigarette from between Andrew’s fingers. “These things will kill you,” he says, grinning before he inhales.

“Good,” Andrew says as he tries in vain not to think about the fact that the cigarette now dangling distractingly from Neil’s lips had been between his own moments ago. He reaches over and plucks the cigarette from between Neil’s lips.

“I can’t imagine,” Neil starts, inhaling deeply before he continues, “actively trying to die.”

Andrew waves the cigarette around, “this isn’t actively trying to die, it’s passive. And half-truths don’t count towards our agreement.” The cigarette is nearly burned down to the filter now, worthless to Andrew, or at least, that’s what he tells himself when he holds the cigarette out to Neil.

He lights a new one after Neil cautiously takes it from him. Andrew squints at him. It’s not like it could be any more deadly than it already was.

Neil waves the cigarette underneath his nose for a moment before turning slightly to face Andrew. “What’re you doing on the roof of Wymack’s building?”

Andrew scoffs, “you’re wasting a truth on that?”

Neil nods.

“Kevin is practicing. I didn’t want to practice.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.” Neil continues to look at him and regrettably, Andrew feels the words stacking up behind his front teeth, nearly forcing their way out as Neil stares at him uninhibited.

“Wymack’s place is the closest to the court.” He was getting bored with talking about stick-ball, so he decides to take his turn and ask Neil a question. “A few days ago, your first day here as a matter of fact, I left you here with my family. When I came back, I had a black eye and scabbed knuckles. When you got back in the car and looked at me, what went through your head?”

Neil looks at him sharply.

“Just because you threw away your turn on a worthless truth does not mean I will do the same.”

Neil swallows harshly and Andrew does his best to not stare at Neil’s throat. “I—“ he pauses, weighing his words carefully. “I don’t remember much, and what I do remember, comes in short bursts, normally triggered by something I see or hear. I was remembering something.”

“Ah, ah, ah Rabbit, I said earlier that half-truths don’t mean shit.”

Neil turns away from him then, hunching his shoulders lightly. “You reminded me of someone I knew growing up. Someone—“ he stops again, clearly trying to figure out how much he wanted to share. The look on Andrew’s face convinces him. He really needed to squash that voice that was telling him to trust Andrew. “The person you reminded me of—they were—I really cared about them.”

Andrew nearly crushes the cigarette he’s holding. Instead he throws it over the edge of the roof and stands. Neil’s looking up at him, the expression on his face similar to that of a kicked puppy and Andrew can’t bear it. He’s dialing the phone before he’s even looked away from that unfair expression.

“Day. Practice is over. You better be showered and ready to go by the time I get there.”

He doesn’t say another word to Neil or Kevin as he hangs up and stomps down the stairs.


	10. Learn When to Quit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suddenly, Andrew was standing toe-to-toe with Neil, wrapping his fingers in the grate of Neil’s helmet. “You’re done.”
> 
> “I’m not finished yet,” Neil snarls, baring his teeth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey babes! Hope you're enjoying the new year and that you enjoy this chapter. I should have another chapter up by the end of the week!

Neil’s mind was racing. Days had passed without Andrew mentioning their “game”. He needed to—to what? He felt restless; the kind of restless felt deep in one’s bones. The kind that can only be settled by a near force of nature.

Instead, Neil decides to go for a run. It’s been too hot to run during the day, but Neil had been running early in the morning to make up for it. Two runs in one day wasn’t too much, was it?

Wymack was sitting at his kitchen table when Neil walked past him to the door. “Where are you going?” He asks, eyeing the trainers in Neil’s hand.

Neil looks like a deer caught in the headlights, “for a run.” When Wymack doesn’t say anything in response, Neil walks out the door.

~~~

Andrew was not in the habit of making bad choices. Lately though, he’d been making lots of them. He felt like a preteen with a crush. Although, he supposes, it could be worse. He could be like Kevin.

Kevin was like a dog with a bone. Every night when they left for night practice he questioned Andrew’s motives. It was growing incredibly tiresome. _If_ he knew anything about Neil, he sure as hell wasn’t going to share it with Kevin. He might be like a raccoon that hoarded truth as a treasure, but that didn’t mean he was going to share.

“He’s not progressing as fast as I’d like. He’s going to hold us all back.”

Andrew had only been half-listening up until this point. He really couldn’t bring himself to care about Kevin’s stick-ball struggles. A glare at Kevin has him grabbing his bag and tossing Andrew the keys. It was earlier than they normally left for night practice, meaning Andrew’s last dose of meds hadn’t completely worn off. With a sigh, he calls to Nicky.

“You’re driving tonight. Let’s go.”

Nicky looks at him surprised before shrugging and grabbing his bag.

“No.” Andrew says. “Tonight, you and Kevin are watching.”

The look Kevin shoots him will be worth getting on the court. Offhandedly, Andrew wonders if Neil’s eyes will look the same as when they used to play street Exy. He shakes the thought off hurriedly, grabbing his bag before he could change his mind.

Nicky gets behind the wheel and hesitates, not sure where they’re going.

“Go to Wymack’s place.”

“We’re picking up Neil?” Nicky sounds unreasonably excited by the prospect of being around the newest Fox. Andrew just narrows his eyes, silently vowing to keep an eye on him.

“Wait a second,” Kevin protests from the backseat, leaning forward to look between the cousins.

“You said he needed to practice. Now shut up and put your fucking seatbelt on. I’m not watching your back for you to be catapulted through the windshield.”

They pull up at Wymack’s place and Andrew gets out of the car, looking between Kevin and Nicky, “stay.”

It’s all too easy to just let himself into Wymack’s apartment. He’s surprised to see Neil’s shoes gone from their spot by the end of the couch and Wymack sitting at the table with a folder open in front of him.

“He’s not here, Andrew. He went for a run.”

~~~

Neil slows to a walk as he rounds the corner to Wymack’s building. Andrew’s car was parked out front, engine idling. He skirts around the car, narrowing his eyes at the silhouettes in the back and driver’s seats. Both were too tall to be Andrew, which made his skin crawl. The only person he’d seen drive that car was Andrew.

Neither person looks up as he enters the building. The door to Wymack’s apartment was still shut, but that wasn’t entirely reassuring. He swings the door open and stands back, surveying the room. Nothing was out of place, except for the fact that Andrew was standing by the window smoking, oblivious to Wymack’s protests.

Andrew notices him first, pitching the cigarette butt out the window. “We’re going. Get your gear.” He gives Wymack a two-finger salute as he moves around Neil and out the door.

Neil grabs his bag and shoots a questioning glance at Wymack before closing the door softly behind himself.

Andrew was in the driver’s seat, and the passenger seat had been left vacant. Neil shoves his bag down by his feet when he gets in.

“So Neil. Where were you? We waited for like twenty minutes for you to get back.” Nicky leans forward, resting his chin on the back of Neil’s seat.

“And you smell like a locker room,” Andrew comments dryly. Nicky leans farther forward to look at him and Andrew puts his hand on Nicky’s face and pushes him away. “No touching the driver.”

Nicky pouts but retreats to the backseat. “So Neil, this whole thing could’ve been avoided if you would give someone—cough—me—cough—your phone number so that we could call you.”

Neil stares straight ahead as he says, “I don’t have a cell phone.”

Nicky gasps and smacks his hand down on Neil’s shoulder, “NO!?” He sounds like it was one of the most scandalous things he’d ever heard.

Nicky misses Neil’s flinch, but Andrew doesn’t. His hand shoots out and grabs Nicky’s wrist. “No touching the passenger.”

“But I’m a passenger too,” Nicky whines, glaring at Kevin when he laughs.

“Andrew likes to keep all of his things together but separate.”

“That doesn’t even make any sense!” Nicky cries, throwing his hands up in the air as much as the confined space of the car would allow.

Andrew keeps his eyes on the road, both hands tightly gripping the wheel. Neil takes the opportunity to study Andrew’s face—for purely academic purposes, he tells himself. Nicky starts whining again and Andrew steps harshly on the brake.

“We’re here.” He gets out of the car without waiting for them and he slings his bag over his shoulder. “Suit up Rabbit. You’re facing me on the court tonight.”

Neil stops. He hadn’t seen Andrew step foot on the court since he’d arrived at Palmetto. Kevin starts to protest, but the words die on his tongue as Andrew turns and strides towards the doors to the stadium.

~~~

“Kevin, you can watch, but you must be silent. Nicky, go be somewhere else.” Andrew grabs his racquet before striding onto the court.

Neil grabs his racquet and once again resists the urge to put it up to his face and sniff the netting. It was starting to stretch out now, just loose enough to stop being so springy. Nicky had disappeared but Kevin was sitting in the stands, glaring out at Andrew where he was standing in one of the goals. There was a bucket of balls at the center court line.

Andrew leaves the goal to meet Neil at center court. “If you score on me, I’ll give you a free truth. Each point equals one truth.”

Neil looks at him sharply. “I thought you said everything had a price.”

The grin Andrew gives him sends a chill down Neil’s spine. “If you make it past me, it will be a worthy trade.”

Neil smirks at him, “you think very highly of yourself.”

“In some regards.” With that, he turns on his heel and takes his spot in the goal. Neil scoops up a ball in his net and hurls it towards the goal. Andrew moves almost in the blink of an eye and sends the ball shooting past Neil’s head. Something tells him that if Andrew had wanted that ball to hit him, it would’ve.

The same thing happens with the next five shots Neil takes. He jumps when Kevin shouts across the court, “JOSTEN! WHEN YOU THROW A BALL IT IS NOT AN UPPER BODY ACTIVITY! YOU FOLLOW THROUGH WITH YOUR ENTIRE BODY!”

“Kevin.” Andrew barks, not leaving the goal, “first warning.”

Neil looks between them sharply before scooping up another ball. They make it through the entire bucket without Kevin saying anything else, though the expression on his face says that it’s a great hardship to keep his comments to himself.

Neil goes around and picks up all the balls, flipping them into the bucket with his racquet the same way he had when Wymack had found him in Millport.

Andrew tried to keep his staring—observing—to a minimum, but he wasn’t being entirely successful. He could see Neil getting more and more frustrated as the night wore on. Andrew’s eyes dart towards Kevin and he itches to find a way to kick Kevin out.

“Neil!” Andrew calls and he tries to repress the satisfaction that accompanied Neil’s quick response and his lack of a flinch. “How fast are your reflexes?”

Neil frowns as Kevin shouts “ANDREW DON’T”

“Ah, ah, ah Kevin. I’m afraid that was your final warning. Get out.” He strolled over to the edge of the court and waved twice, waiting for him to make his way from the stands. Kevin grumbles as he leaves and Andrew returns to the goal.

He leans against his racket and looks at Neil, waiting to see what he’s going to do. Intentionally, he positioned himself off to one side of the goal, because he knew Neil would shoot for the unguarded half of the box. He does, and Andrew shoots the ball back at him.

They run through two more buckets this way, and Neil’s arms are slightly shaking as he finishes the third bucket. He’d been putting more and more behind each throw, more than he should’ve been. The weight of Andrew’s stare as he picked up the balls scattered around the court was heavy on Neil’s back.

Neil swings the racquet again, but this time the ball barely makes it half way down the court.

“You’re done.” Andrew calls, abandoning the goal.

“No. I have to score at least once.” He picks up another ball in the net of his racquet and as he raises the racquet to swing his hand spasms and the racquet falls to the ground.

Suddenly, Andrew was standing toe-to-toe with Neil, wrapping his fingers in the grate of Neil’s helmet. “You’re done.”

“I’m not finished yet,” Neil snarls, baring his teeth. He stoops to grab his racquet and Andrew backs up, stepping on it's head. 

“Then pick it up.” His arms are crossed over his chest and he’s looking down at Neil haughtily.

Neil gets his fingers around the racquet and prepares to give it a large tug, but when he does, his fingers slip from around the handle and he lands flat on his ass. After that, he gives up and lies flat on his back in the middle of the court.

“Get up,” Andrew says, kicking the bottom of his foot.

Neil sits up and looks up at him. Before he can stop himself he says, “if I can’t score a goal, how am I going to be a useful part of the team?”

Andrew scoffs, kicking the bottom of Neil’s shoe again, just to have something to look at other than his face. “Don’t take it personally. Kevin can barely score against me, and he’s supposed to be one of the best strikers in the country.” Andrew picks up Neil’s racquet in addition to his own and the bucket of balls.

“I need to keep practicing,” Neil says petulantly, not moving from his spot on the ground.

“You need to stop. You’re going to ruin your arms. Do I need to call Kevin to come lecture you?”

The look on Andrew’s face tells Neil that this is not an idle threat, so instead he sighs and stands, trying to take his racquet back from Andrew.

“No.”

He strides off the court, leaving Neil standing there alone, and for some reason, he felt the alone-ness more acutely than he could remember feeling it after his mother died. Standing there, watching Andrew walk away from him, his head starts to pound.

~~~

_“It’s not my choice!” Stefan shouts._

_Andrew’s back was to him, his shoulders bunched. “I hate you.”_

_“I’m sorry.” He steps forward and tries to—to do something._

_“Stop.” Andrew says, finally turning to face him. “Do not apologize when you do not mean it. And you don’t mean it. If you could go back and do it all over, I know you wouldn’t do anything differently.”_

_In a rare moment of softness, Stefan reaches his hand up and lets it hover by Andrew’s face, waiting for Andrew to lean into the touch. He does, but only briefly._

_“Abram, you need to leave, I’m getting sick of your face anyway.”_

_At this point, Stefan was adept at speaking Andrew, so he understood._ I’d rather you’d be away from me than dead.

_Stefan never figured he’d be in this situation, but here he was. While he was lost in his head, Andrew had stepped back. Stefan reaches out to him again, but Andrew takes another step back before saluting him and turning around._

~~~

Neil starts to sway on his feet and he longs for his exy stick to prop himself up. Instead, he stumbles off the court to find Andrew and Kevin having a stare-off. Kevin glances behind Andrew to look at Neil and narrows his eyes.

“What the fuck happened out there Andrew?! If you burn him out before the season even starts we won’t be able to play!”

“Boo hoo. I’m practically in tears.” He stows their racquets and takes Neil’s bag to the locker room.

~~~

After Neil had showered, he goes for his bag, but Andrew just shoots him a look and holds it on the side opposite the one Neil was standing on. On some level, Andrew was pissed at Neil for pushing himself so hard, but on another level, he knew that he’d enabled it.  

 So as a petty retaliation, he stuck Neil in the back seat with Kevin. He was too high to drive again, those fucking pills were a prison.

Kevin had started lecturing Neil about taking care of himself, “you aren’t playing for the rest of the week Josten.”

“You’re not the boss of me.”

“How mature. If you haven’t forgotten, you gave me your game, which means I can do with it what I see fit.” Kevin starts to get in Neil’s face about it, not realizing that he’s making a mistake. Andrew knows what Neil’s capable of when he feels cornered—or when he feels like being an asshole.

“If you’re in charge of how and when I practice, where the fuck were you tonight when I ‘over did it’?” Neil’s leaning forward, snarling.

“If you keep playing like that I’ll take you off the court.” An idle threat, and everyone in the car knew it too.

“Then you’ll be down a player and up a creek.” They pulled up in front of Wymack’s apartment. “If you’ll excuse me. I’ll see you guys at practice tomorrow.”

 


	11. Mistakes Have Been Made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What’re you doing?” Andrew demands.
> 
> Neil turns back out towards the edge of the roof. “Hiding.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey darlings!   
> I'm getting ready to go back to school tomorrow, but I have a few chapters written ahead so the updates shouldn't stop.  
> Let me know what you think! Next chapter we meet the rest of the foxes

Andrew follows Neil up the stairs.

“What, didn’t get enough of me on the court?”

“No asshole you forgot your bag in the car and you sure as hell can’t carry it.” Andrew’s manic grin was starting to creep back and it made Neil jittery. He hated that expression.

“It’s not like I’m an invalid.” Neil doesn’t try to keep the edge from his voice.

“Oh, but you are.” Andrew shoves the door open and dumps his bag before turning to Wymack. “Fucktard overdid it today and blew out his arms. He’s off the court for the next few days.”

“You can’t keep me from practicing!”

If he couldn’t practice, what was he supposed to do? Practicing cleared his mind, kept him from going insane worrying about his father and the men that would inevitably kill him. Andrew stalks up to him, getting in his face the way he did on the court.

“You’re off the court Josten. I don’t want to listen to Kevin’s bitching if you fuck yourself up so bad that you can’t play.” He turns on his heel and walks out.

Only after he’d been gone a few seconds, the echo of the door slamming shut behind him finally fading, does Neil take a breath.

“Don’t you know when to stop?” Wymack demands, crossing his arms from where he stands in the kitchen door.

Neil raises his chin haughtily, “I welcome the pain.”

Wymack scrubs his hand over his face. “Things are different here kid. You cannot blow out your arms every time you practice. I didn’t sign you to have you sitting on the sidelines.”

Neil just narrows his eyes and gives a half-hearted jerk of his shoulder.

“I’m serious. Don’t do it again.” Wymack jabs his finger at Neil who can’t help but flinch backward. “Come here.” He says, looking at Neil, who was staring intently at the ground. Neil steps closer, but still far enough away that he’s out of Wymack’s reach. “Look at me.” The tone of his voice makes Neil cringe back, but nonetheless, he glances up at Wymack’s face. “I will never hit you Neil.”

How could Neil explain to Wymack that he knows Wymack won’t hit him, but his age and stature remind Neil too much of the man that haunts his nightmares. Instead he just says, “okay.”

~~~

Neil was sulking on the couch the when a knock jerks him out of his semi-stupor. Kevin hadn’t let him back on the court for a week after the incident with Andrew and without Exy to distract him, his nightmares had gotten worse. The knock comes again, more insistent this time and Wymack shouts for him to get the door but in a more colorful fashion.

With a sigh, Neil stands and goes to the door. Andrew’s crew was gathered outside the door, sans Andrew. “What?”

Nicky puts his hands to his chest and falls back against the doorframe. “Aren’t you happy to see me?”

Aaron rolls his eyes as Kevin pushes past Nicky to step into Wymack’s apartment. “We’re going.”

Neil steps away from him. “I’m not going anywhere with _you_ ,” he sneers.

“Listen we don’t have time for this and I have a date later.” Aaron reaches towards Neil, who flashes back to his life on the run and the only thought running through his brain is _SURVIVE._

In the next blink of an eye, Aaron was on the ground and Neil was out the door.

Andrew came around the corner in time to see Neil escaping to the roof and Aaron struggling to get up from the ground. He’d stayed outside long enough to smoke an extra cigarette and everything went to hell in a handbasket.

He hauled Aaron to his feet. Once he’d affirmed that Aaron was mostly fine, he went after Neil, leaving the others to deal with Wymack.

Neil was standing out by the edge of the roof, his fingers itching for a cigarette.

“Give me one reason that I shouldn’t shove you off this roof right now.”

Neil whirls and loses his footing slightly. Before he can fall to his death Andrew steps forward quickly and wraps his fingers in Neil’s old holy jumper and haul him back from the edge.

“What’re you doing?” Andrew demands.

Neil turns back out towards the edge of the roof. “Hiding.”

“From who?”

It takes a few seconds for Neil to respond. His voice is quiet when he finally admits it, “you.”

“You’re hiding from little old me?” Andrew’s voice has that tone that makes Neil’s skin crawl. He turns and gets a good look at Andrew’s face. It had that manic expression again. There would be no straightforward conversations today.

“Is that even a real question?” Neil asks incredulously. He trusted Andrew, which in and of itself was a mistake, but he also knew that no one touched the people Andrew had chosen to protect.

The part of Andrew that was a prisoner inside his own body was screaming, mostly incoherent things, but there were some words too. Mostly a variation of _you have no reason to be afraid of me._ But he knew that wasn’t true.

The part of Andrew—the part he didn’t want to associate with himself—that was currently in control of his body spoke for him, “a jury of my peers certainly seemed to think so.”

Neil doesn’t know what to say to that, so instead he just stands there and stares at Andrew.

The more logical part of Andrew finally manages to wrestle itself into control, his dose must be wearing off. Neil was mouthy, but he wasn’t violent. This wasn’t in line with what Andrew knew of him.

“He grabbed me. Then I remembered—I-I remembered you—you beat the shit out of some guys that were fucking with your brother.” Neil looks shocked by his own knowledge as he starts to pace and tug at his hair anxiously.

Andrew grabs a cigarette and lights it before holding it out for Neil to take—even if he would just waste it. Neil takes it, and surprisingly, takes a long drag. After it burns down to the filter he drops it and steps on it.

When Andrew jerks open the door to go back inside, Nicky falls out onto the roof. Andrew stands and looks down at him.

“Heyyyy, neither of you is dead, so that’s good!” He picks himself up off the ground and takes off down the stairs. Neil blinks a few times before stepping around Andrew and going back to Wymack’s apartment.

“Josten. Get your bag. You’re going back to practice.”

 


	12. Not a Prize

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil meets the foxes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi so as you may have guessed from the update, yes, I am alive. Life just got really crazy all of a sudden and I needed to take some time off writing but i finally finished another chapter for you, so here you go.   
> Um, basically the low-down is my roommate almost died and then I almost died, but everything is worked out now.

“Neil!” Wymack barks, startling Neil out of his thoughts. “The rest of the foxes are coming today.”

Neil blinks at him for a moment, not sure why Wymack felt like it was necessary to share that information with him right now.

“We’re going to meet them at the court.”

“Ookay,” Neil says, looking at him like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

The door bursts open.

“Hiya Coach!” Nicky calls, sauntering across the room to stand next to Neil. “You ready to face the rest of the team? If not that’s okay. I’ll be right here by your side.” He waggles his eyebrows and tries to hide the fact that his face falls when Neil steps back.

“When did everyone get in?” Kevin asks, quickly changing the subject.

“Dan, Allison, Matt, and Renee got in this morning. Seth gets in,” Wymack checks his watch, “now. They’re meeting us at the court.”

Kevin nods and steers Nicky out of the room, their heads bent together. Neil pretends not to notice the harsh look that got from both the twins.

Andrew looks at him and Neil knows he’s been caught. Subtlety wasn’t exactly his strong suit.

“Neil, we’re going now.” Andrew leaves the apartment and Neil only blinks after him for a moment before grabbing his things and hastening to follow.

By the time Neil gets down to the car, the only seat left was beside Andrew in the back seat. Neil ignores the way his heart speeds up slightly as he slides in to the small amount of space left between Andrew and the door. Nicky was driving again, and Aaron was up front with him, leaving Kevin, Andrew, and Neil in the back.

When they get to the court, there’s already two other cars in the parking lot. One of them Neil recognizes as Abby’s. The other was a large truck that Neil assumes belongs to one of the upperclassmen.

Wymack pulls in right behind them. “Play nice.” The look he levels at Andrew and Neil has both of them feigning innocence. He just farther narrows his eyes at them before walking towards the court.

The seats in the small gathering area had mostly been claimed. A girl with platinum blonde hair was perched on the lap of an arrogant looking man. They were having a whispered argument but when they noticed Neil trail in after Andrew they stopped. It didn’t take long after that for the other people in the room to notice the appearance of the rest of their team.

“Neil you can sit next to me if you want,” one of the girls calls. Dan—if Neil’s memory was as good as he thought it was.

“No.” Andrew declines for him, sitting next to Kevin on the couch and leaving a space for Neil.

As Neil sits down, he tells himself that the only reason he followed Andrew’s lead was because he didn’t trust any of the other members of the team at all. So, even the lacking amount of trust he had in Andrew was better than none at all.

The girl with platinum blonde hair—Allison, Neil believes her name is—saunters over to them.

“Back off Reynolds.” Andrew growls. She glares back at him for a few seconds before retreating to the other side of the room.

“Goddamn it Coach.” The arrogant looking boy says. He wasn’t in many of the team  photographs, which would make him Seth, and the guy by Dan’s side Matt.

“What the fuck is your problem now Gordon?” Wymack was standing in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest.

“You let the monsters claim him before we could even get here.” He gestures expressively at the side of the room where Andrew’s crew had gathered.

Neil stands, the comment making his blood boil for some reason. “No one has ‘claimed’ me. I’m not a piece of property to be traded back and forth.” He levels his glare at Allison, “and I am not a tool to use to make your boyfriend jealous.” With that he sits back down and breathes out.

“Now I see why the monsters wanted him. Did we really need another wannabe with an attitude problem?”

“Well counting you, he makes ten, so yes.”

There’s a smattering of objections to Wymack’s statement, which makes him chuckle as he heads to his office.

“And don’t forget. You all need to check in with Abby today so she can sign off on you and you can start practice.”

Neil’s blood runs cold. No one could see his scars or they’d start asking questions. Once they started asking questions he was going to have to leave. He wasn’t ready to leave yet. A fleeting touch across his arm brings Neil back to reality.

Wymack was still talking at—talking to them. He’d said something that caused Dan to jump up from her seat and start swearing angrily. Matt rests his hand on her back and she transitions to seething quietly.

Once he finishes lecturing them, Wymack passes out keys and tells Neil that he was rooming with Seth and Matt. Seth looks at Neil like he’s nothing more than gum on the bottom of his shoe; something irritating and disgusting to be gotten rid of. Neil glares back at him with a look that says the feeling was mutual.

Abby chooses that moment to join them. “Who wants to go first?”

~~~

Neil stalls, hoping that maybe if he waited long enough they’d just forget about him. He knows that won’t be the case, but he hopes anyways.

Seth and Allison had left as soon as they had finished and Dan and Renee had left with them. That left Matt, Aaron, Andrew, Kevin and Nicky. Andrew and Neil were the only ones that hadn’t been in to see Abby yet.

She looks between the two of them and after a moment Andrew sighs and stands.

Matt moves to a chair closer to the couch once Andrew’s out of sight of the sitting area.

Nicky shakes his head slightly but Matt just ignores him. “I’m sorry the first introduction you got to us was Seth being an asshole. We’re not all that bad I swear. I’m Matt.” He holds his and out for Neil to shake, all the while grinning at him easily.

“Neil.” He says cautiously.

Matt shucks off his jacket, drawing Neil’s eyes to the faded track marks on his arms. He notices Neil’s stare but doesn’t make any move to cover the scars. “We’re all here because we have a story. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here.” He grins and stands, moving away as Andrew comes back into the room.

He narrows his eyes at Matt before settling closer to Neil than he had before, and Neil got the distinct impression that he was being claimed. Abby appears a moment later

“Neil?”

He practically shoves Andrew to the floor when he stands. He hadn’t realized that Andrew had been sitting so close.

Nicky attempted to disguise a laugh in a cough while Matt just looked between the two of them with an odd expression on his face.

~~~

When Abby shuts the door behind them, Neil starts to feel like he’s been trapped.

“How long has it been since you’ve been to a doctor, Neil?” she asks.

He pauses his survey of the room to answer, “I dunno. A while.”

“Don’t like doctors?”

“Something like that.” He’s looking all around the room, cataloging the things that could be used as a weapon.

“Okay. Well this is just going to be a very basic sports physical.” She pauses and looks at him for a moment. When he just looks back at her she says, “that means shirt and shoes off.”

Neil toes his shoes and socks off, but leaves his shirt on.

“Neil I’ve seen just about everything there is to see. Nothing is going to surprise me.”

He continues to sit there and stare at her.

Abby decides to try another approach. “If I don’t sign off, you can’t play.”

With a sigh, Neil shucks his shirt off and leaves it sit on the bench next to him. Her eyes go wide at the numerous scars that covered his body and she sucks in a breath.

“I—I just need to check for track marks.”

He thrusts his arms at her, his inner arm facing up. “No track marks. Can I put my shirt on now?” He’s already shrugged the shirt back into place before she can answer.

~~~

She follows Neil out, but passes by the remaining members of the team to go into Wymack’s office.

Matt stands when Neil gets back. “I can take you by Wymack’s place to get your things, if you’d like.” He’s still got that easy-going smile, and Neil wonders how he managed to make it to the foxes and still be able to grin like that.

“No.” Andrew says, standing from his spot on the couch to head towards Neil, and consequently, the door.

“Wait a second,” Neil’s voice is quiet enough that Andrew is the only one that can hear him clearly. Andrew gives him a look that would chill normal people to the bone, Neil just looks back at him.

“Fine. The Rabbit is riding with Matt.”

Matt grins at him. Once the rest of Andrew’s crew had left, Matt leans down to whisper conspiratorially in Neil’s ear, “looks like you’re a hot commodity around here.”

Neil can’t help the laugh that bubbles out of him as they leave. Andrew’s head swivels around to glare at Matt from where he walked ahead of them in the hallway.

“So you kind of got to meet everyone earlier, but Dan wanted me to tell you that you’re supposed to go visit the girls when you get back.”

Neil doesn’t respond as they climb into Matt’s truck, content to let him fill the silence.


	13. Don't touch my things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew fiends hurt, “do you not trust me to protect you?” he pauses for a moment. “Perhaps you’d like to break our deal.”  
> “NO! No.” Kevin could tell he was treading in dangerous waters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies.  
> Here's another chapter for you, and it's only been a week this time! Sorry I'm not updating as consistently as promised, but taking 15 credit hours of flunk-out classes will do that I suppose.  
> I hope you're all doing well and please let me know what you think of the latest installment!!  
> (ps i'm procrastinating like hell so expect another chapter by monday)

Neil had decided that maybe Matt would be okay. He was kind and jovial and he filled the empty space between them as easily as if they had been friends for years. They park in front of the dorms and Matt grabs his first load of stuff to bring with him to their room.

Neil was astounded at the sheer amount of stuff Matt had brought with him. It made the small bag of things Neil clutched to his side feel even more meager by comparison.

Matt grins at him, in fact, Neil’s not sure he ever stopped. “Ready?”

The thing that Neil likes about Matt, he thinks, is the fact that while he was friendly, it didn’t feel outrageously overt. He didn’t want to jump immediately to hanging all over Neil, like Nicky had.

They’d already made it to their floor when Neil zones back into the conversation. Matt had been chattering animatedly, presumably about the other upperclassmen, because he was gesturing to the doors.

“Sorry, I—uh.” Neil looks at the floor.

Matt seems to understand, “the monsters live there.” He gestures to one of the doors. “We live here.” He gestures to the next door down. “And the girls live there.” He points to a room across the hall and a few doors down. Neil nods, noticing that Matt was holding the door to their room open.

Neil steps around Matt and into the small living space. He follows a hallway back to their bedroom, Matt right on his heels.

“Do you care which bed? I really hate the top bunk.”

Neil shrugs and moves towards the solitary bed along the opposite wall before noticing the bag sitting underneath it. With a sigh he tosses his bag up to the top bunk. This was less than optimal.

He helps Matt take a few loads of his things up the stairs before politely excusing himself to go to the store. He needed somewhere safe to store his bag. Not that he anticipated Matt searching it, but Seth or one of the “monsters” as they had been so called, could get curious.

The bag was tucked between the bed and the wall, inconspicuous with the pillow he pilfered from Wymack tossed over it. It would have to do until he could get a safe to put it in. Matt asked if he wanted a ride, but Neil declines, saying that he’d rather walk. Which was true. He’d have run except that would’ve been suspicious. Showing up at the store, sweating and out of breath while buying a safe was the kind of thing that made people ask questions. Questions Neil didn’t care to answer.

The store wasn’t too far, but it was sticky and hot in the summer heat. It didn’t take too long for Neil to find what he needed and check out, but he was still bubbling with anxiety the entire walk back to the dorm. He’d been gone for long enough for someone to have gone through his things. The thought made his skin crawl.

There were so many secrets hidden inside that bag. Some of the things in that bag hid secrets that even Neil didn’t know. He hadn’t gone back into the binder in his bag since he’d created Neil Josten. There were things in there, a few meagre reminders of his past lives that he’d managed to smuggle along with them.

Neil returned to an empty dorm room. When he climbed up into his bed to retrieve his bag, his heart stopped. Someone had been up here. Someone had touched his bag. Gone through his bag. And he knew exactly who it was.

It was simple to free the lock picks from the side of his bag. The door to Andrew’s dorm was locked, but it was all too simple to unlock the door, even without a key. Voices were coming from the bedroom. Neil stalks in, adopting one of his father’s cruel expressions.

The way his bag had been put back was too sloppy for it to have been Andrew.

“ _Stay out of my things.”_ He spits at Kevin in French.

_“Didn’t we lock that door?”_ Aaron asks, this time in German.

Nicky shrugs. _“Who cares if we locked the door. Did you not just here Neil speaking—what was that—French?”_

Neil feels his lips pull back even further into a snarl. _“Don’t touch my fucking stuff.”_

Kevin was staring at him, slack jawed. After a moment he recovers his composure. _“I didn’t touch your stuff.”_ Kevin is a terrible liar.

Neil decides to dig the knife in a little farther, taking advantage of Kevin’s surprise. _“Wow. So Crip, who lied for you when you told everyone Riko broke your hand?”_

Kevin’s face hardens. Neil had been spot on with his assumption. Andrew had been watching them with narrowed eyes, clearly catching bits and pieces of their conversation.

_“What the fuck did you just call me?”_

Neil sneers. _“You heard me. Crip.”_ With that, he turns on his heel and walks out, slamming the door loudly behind him. He’s barely made it back to his own door when Andrew’s door slams open. Kevin’s heavy breathing reaches his ears seconds before the man himself is breathing down his neck. He slams Neil up against the wall.

“I’m not a fucking cripple.” Despite his words, Kevin was relying more heavily on his right hand than his left.

“If you’re not a fucking cripple, then quit babying that broken hand.”

Kevin balls his hand into a fist bust looks at it strangely before he can swing.

Neil laughs cruelly, “I fucking knew it. Touch my shit again and—“ Neil’s threat is cut off by the appearance of Andrew over Kevin’s shoulder.

Kevin presses down harder on Neil’s neck, mistaking his pause for fear. “Think twice before threatening me. There’s a reason the freshmen are referred to as Fresh Meat by upperclassmen.”

Well, at least Kevin didn’t know who he was. If he did, he’d know that upperclassmen were the least of Neil’s worries.

Andrew was watching Neil’s reaction carefully. Neil doesn’t get to say anything because the girls, Matt, and Seth appear from the room down the hall.

“What’s going on here?” Dan demands. She pulls Kevin off of Neil, offering him a hand which he ignores in favor of glaring at Kevin with his chin raised.

“If you have a problem with me, Kevin Day, face me like a man, don’t go through my things, like a coward.”

He turns on his heel and stalks back into his room, leaving everyone else standing in the hallway and staring between the door Neil had just left through and Kevin.

~~~

Andrew follows Kevin into their room and banishes Nicky and Aaron to the common space.

“Kevin, Kevin, Kevin. Did you go through Neil’s things while he was gone?”

Kevin gulps. He knew that Andrew didn’t want Nicky touching Neil, but he figured that Andrew wouldn’t care if he went to make sure Neil wasn’t a spy for the Moriyamas.

“I had to make sure he didn’t work for… them.”

Andrew fiends hurt, “do you not trust me to protect you?” he pauses for a moment. “Perhaps you’d like to break our deal.”

“NO! No.” Kevin could tell he was treading in dangerous waters.

“I don’t like it when people mess with my things, Kevin.” Andrew says finally before turning and leaving the room.

~~~

Neil had just gotten his safe set up when Matt gets brave enough to venture into their room.

“Is everything okay, Neil?” he’s hovering by the door uncertainly.

“It is now.” His binder was now safely locked away from prying eyes.

“What was that out there, with Kevin? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want.” Matt rushes to add the last part, not wanting Neil to feel pressured.

“Kevin decided to touch my things. I took objection. What you saw was the aftermath.” Neil shrugs and goes to climb up in his bed.

“Wait! Um, the girls, they wanted to actually meet you, now that Seth is off meeting his dealer or something like that.”

Neil pauses and considers for a moment. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Sure.”

“Neat!” Matt grins at him.  “What did you say to Kevin? I haven’t seen him that furious since he made whatever weirdass deal he made with Andrew.”

“Kevin doesn’t like people insinuating that he might be anything less than perfect. I didn’t just insinuate. I stated it outright.”

When Matt looks over at him, Neil has what could be described at a shit-eating smirk on his face, looking all too pleased with himself. Matt just laughs and leads the way to the girl’s room.


	14. Prisoners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And what’ll you tell them? That I wear colored contacts? That you think you know me?”  
> Something in Andrew’s face closes off. “You may have forgotten. But I cannot forget anything. Clothes, no contacts. Be ready by six.” He turns on his heel and leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii guys. I know it's not technically monday anymore, but things happened and I needed a second to collect myself so that my writing didn't reflect how I felt.   
> Here's the new chapter. Let me know what you think!!

Having the rest of the foxes at Palmetto made practice much more interesting. They transitioned from exclusively drills to having actual scrimmages every other practice. It was invigorating. It made Neil feel more alive than he’d felt since he could remember.

He was thoroughly exhausted after the day’s practice, and was looking forward to nothing more than collapsing in his bed and ignoring any and all responsibilities he might have.

He was incredibly surprised when there was a knock on the door. Nicky was standing on the other side, holding a bag of clothes and looking distinctly uncomfortable. “You’re supposed to wear these tonight when we go to Columbia. And I’m supposed to tell you no contacts tonight.”

Neil narrows his eyes. “Why?” he demands. These instructions weren’t coming from Nicky, that much was clear. But where were they coming from. Kevin? Andrew?

“Because Andrew said. And for all our sakes, please just do it.” Nicky looks like a man defeated.

For a moment, Neil feels bad. “If Andrew wants me to do something, he can tell me himself.”

Nicky looks like someone just kicked his puppy. He looks at Neil sadly one last time before going back to his room. Neil closes the door, not bothering to lock it as he goes to sit on the couch. He puts on an Exy game, figuring that this way, he might be able to keep up in the on-court conversations a little better.

It had been a scant five minutes after Neil had shut the door that it bangs open again and Andrew stalks in. He picks up the sack of clothes where they had been abandoned by the door and throws them at Neil’s chest. Neil continues resolutely ignoring him, eyes fixed on the screen.

Andrew quickly gets irritated with this and moves to block the TV from Neil’s view. Neil blinks up at him. “Can I help you?”

“We’re going out tonight. You’re going to wear those clothes and you’re going to take out your contacts.”

Neil raises his chin defiantly. “No.”

“Yes. If you want to stay, you’ll wear the clothes and take out the contacts.” Andrew looks like he’s found Neil’s weak spot. Which, in a way, he had.

“Or what? You’ll tell everyone what you know?” Neil was toeing a dangerous line here, and he knew it too, but maybe this was the best way to find out just how much Andrew knew.

“Don’t think I won’t.”

“And what’ll you tell them? That I wear colored contacts? That you _think_ you know me?”

Something in Andrew’s face closes off. “ _You_ may have forgotten. But _I_ cannot forget anything. Clothes, no contacts. Be ready by six.” He turns on his heel and leaves.

~~~

Against his better judgement, Neil was dressed and ready—without his contacts—when six o’clock rolled around. At Five-fifty-nine he steps into the hallway. Matt had come in as he was getting ready and tried to convince him not to go, but Neil felt like this was something he needed to do. Matt had then insisted that Neil take his phone number with him, “just in case” he had said.

Dan was standing in the hall, her arms crossed. “I don’t like this Neil.”

He shrugs.

Andrew and his crew pile out of their dorm and into the hallway. Andrew looks at Kevin, Nicky, and Aaron and holds out his hand. They each hand over some bills, leading to Neil furrowing his brows. When Nicky catches sight of him, he whistles lowly.

“Damn Neil, it’s getting more and more unfortunate that I have to keep my hands off of you every day.”

Neil blinks at him before looking down at his clothes. They were vastly different than his normal attire. Much tighter, and much darker. He stuck to baggy neutral tones because they were easy to forget. It had been a challenge, getting dressed and leaving his contacts out. He felt like he was leaving a part of Neil behind. He looked too much like Nathan with his eyes this icy-blue.

When Andrew finally turned around to fully inspect Neil, it was like he’d seen a ghost. There had been a time, when they were younger, and had been quite good friends, that Neil had trusted Andrew with his secrets. Now, Neil was just standing there, staring back at him.

~~~

He remembers the first time he had seen Neil’s eyes, back when he was still Stefan. When they were as inseparable as they could be, between Andrew’s foster family and Neil’s mother. They’d managed to steal away from all the prying eyes for a while and Stefan had whispered to Andrew like a preteen girl with a secret that there was something he wanted to show him.

This wasn’t by any means when his hatred of lies started, but it certainly intensified it. He’d been furious. His so called ‘Best Friend’ had kept this enormous secret from him. He’d been ready to walk out of Stefan’s life right then and there. Two things stopped him. One, this was his house, and if he walked out and left Stefan there, he’d never forgive himself. Two, Stefan’s hand was cautiously poised above his arm, but not touching.

That’s when Andrew knew. Stefan knew more about Andrew than was strictly healthy. He knew that small action of waiting for permission would gain him more favor than any words ever could.

That’s how they ended up sitting on the bathroom floor, Stefan talking in a low voice about what had happened to him, about why things were the way they were.

After he finished and looked at Andrew like he might be cast out at any minute, Andrew felt in his debt. A secret for a secret. That was a fair trade. So, it was with painstaking care that he peeled back the long sleeves of his shirt.

The way he was an incredibly Stefan-like reaction. He silently stared at Andrew’s face, waiting to see what he should do.

Andrew could see the questions burning behind his clear eyes. Stefan never took more than he was given. That was what endeared him to Andrew—as much as Andrew could be endeared to anyone.

~~~

Andrew’s stomach turns, whether it’s from the withdrawal or from the rather large reminder of his past standing in front of him, he’s not sure. Not wanting to consider it further, he turns and heads towards the stairs. It pleases him slightly how quick the others scramble to follow him. It’s not like he could leave them behind.

Andrew had been waffling the entire day about whether or not he wanted Neil to get the “New Fox” experience, or if he was going to change things around, given the circumstances. Information wasn’t free, but sometimes the price wasn’t his to pay.

As much as he didn’t want Neil to be stuck next to Kevin because no one deserves that, he needed to have a seat by the door so he didn’t pummel or puke on one of them.

Neil looks at him as he slides across to the middle seat, eyeing Kevin warily.

Kevin spent the entire ride to Sweeties glaring at Neil harshly. It made Andrew want to roll his eyes. And he probably would’ve if it wouldn’t have made him even more nauseous than he already was.

As it was, he already had to throw open the door once and hurl onto the side of the road. The look of concern Neil gave him made him want to open the door again.

Neil clearly wasn’t planning on drinking, or he trusted them less than Andrew thought he did. Either way, it piqued Andrew’s interest. If he wasn’t drinking, then he was still hiding.

The second they stepped foot into the club, Andrew sorely regretted bringing Neil here. He attracted attention and Andrew was way too sober for this shit. He wasn’t some hormonal teenager anymore, he didn’t need to stake his claim on Neil. Neil wasn’t his to have. But he sure as hell wasn’t that blonde’s to have either. Andrew lurks at Neil’s shoulder, shooting looks at anyone that dared take a step in their direction.

It made some small part of him gleeful when Neil followed him to the bar. The thick crush of bodies up at the bar meant that Neil had to stand very close. The fact that he held himself away from Andrew as much as possible in the tight space said that he remembered more than he let on, or he’d always been like this and Andrew didn’t remember. That was impossible though. Andrew never forgot anything. Neil had been dangerously touch deprived as a teen and there was no reason that it would’ve gotten better in the few years it had been since Andrew had last seen him.

He makes a point of backing up into Neil’s space slightly. When Roland comes around the bar and sees them standing there, he raises his eyebrows. Andrew just narrows his eyes and waits for him to get close enough to hear their order.

~~~

“Nicky, you gotta get Neil to take the drugs somehow.”

Nicky was looking at Kevin like he was nuts.

“He’s hiding something. I think he’s working for the Moriyama’s. Andrew said it was a good plan.”

Luckily for Kevin, Nicky was too distracted in the loud, raucous club environment to notice the obvious lie.

“Fine. I’d rather have Neil mad at me than Andrew I guess.” He shrugs and does his best to act nonchalant when Neil and Andrew come back to the table. Kevin downs several shots in quick succession before walking off.

One by one, everyone wandered off from the table, leaving Neil alone. He gets bored of that rather quickly and leaves the table, not really caring that there were half empty glasses of liquor left.

Someone grabs his shoulder and he whirls around, visions of his father flashing in his mind’s eye. His arm drops when he notices that it was only Nicky. His miniscule amount of relief was squelched when Nicky grabs each side of his face and forces their mouths together. He was most definitely not okay with this. It only got worse when Nicky’s tongue forced a gooey sugary substance into his mouth.

He jerks himself out of Nicky’s hold and starts to make a run for the bathroom when he sees Andrew coming at him. He had to have been in on Nicky drugging him. It was no secret that no one in the so called “monsters” did things without Andrew’s consent and knowledge.

~~~

The look of betrayal on Neil’s face was enough to pull Andrew out of the haze. Stefan—Neil had _never_ looked at him like that before.

Neil had obviously tucked tail and was preparing to rabbit again. He wasn’t going to get away. Andrew had him back. Stefan—Neil had found him again, he wasn’t leaving.

It was when he saw Kevin looming over Neil that he connected the dots. Neil jerked around him and was headed for one of the bouncers. Kevin goes ashen at the look on Andrew’s face. By the time he had made it to where Neil and the bouncer had disappeared, Neil was on the ground and the guy was standing over him.

Andrew sees red. The bouncer sees the look of rage on his face and holds up his hands, a crumpled one-hundred dollar bill clutched in his hand. “Hey man, he paid me a hundred bucks to knock him out. Nothin’ personal.”

Andrew waves him off before stooping to pick up Neil. He was still too sober for this shit. Andrew wants to frown at how light Neil was. How easy it was to pick him up. Kevin was standing by the door looking incredibly guilty.

“Get the others. We’re leaving.”

Andrew stood outside and fumed. He was furious. How dare they go behind his back. How dare they go against his wishes.

Nicky doesn’t stop to look at him as he flies out of the door of the club and takes off towards the car. Kevin looks after him forlornly for a second before moving so that Aaron was between him and Andrew.

Andrew resisted the urge to roll his eyes. It’s not like he could do much while holding Neil. After he put Neil down though, all bets were off.

The car screeches up to the curb and Aaron coolly slides into the front seat, sticking Kevin in the back with Andrew. He looked like he was contemplating getting in the trunk instead when Nicky lays on the horn.

Neil was still breathing, and that was the only thing that kept Andrew from sharing exactly what he thought of their little plan. They’d know soon enough, but he needed to make sure that Neil was as fine as he ever was before having that discussion.

The house in Columbia was a welcome sight. He was concerned about Neil, but that crawling feeling beneath his skin was coming back and it took all his self-control to keep from shoving Neil to the floor of the car. It didn’t help that the tension in the car was slowly mounting to tangible levels.

When he escaped the car the tension had climbed nigh suffocating levels. Kevin could afford to stew a moment longer. Andrew’s feet carried him to his own room without a second thought. It seemed only natural. He was obviously Neil’s favorite, so that was the only place for him.

He set Neil on top of the covers and turns to go, making it halfway to the door before he turns around and gently pulls off Neil’s shoes before flinging a blanket over his legs.

Nicky was pacing anxiously in the hall, wringing his hands. “Andrew I’m so sorry Kevin told me that you said it was okay and I thought you knew and I would never ever do anything to put Neil in danger. You know that, don’t you?”

“Stop.”

Nicky freezes, flinching back.

A small part of Andrew dies a little bit at the flinch, the much larger part of him that is currently in control doesn’t care. He leaves Nicky standing there, figuring that now was as good a time as any to deal with Kevin.

The man in question was currently sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. He looked up when Andrew waltzed into the room, but then trains his eyes back on the ground.

“Why.”

“He knows things! I know he knows things about the Moriyamas! He’s lying to us Andrew, all of us!” There’s desperation leaking through his voice.

“I know.”

“You—you know? Then tell me what you know!” Kevin shoots to his feet.

“I will not.”

~~~

Neil’s head was pounding. He was in a bed. And he was covered up. And it smelled good—safe. He swings his feet around to hang off the side of the bed. His shoes were off, but the rest of his clothes were on, so he assumed that once he’d been knocked out that nothing had happened. _Not that Andrew would let it,_ his brain supplies helpfully.

That couldn’t be right. Andrew did this. He was the reason that they drugged Neil. He had to get out of here. A quick glance into the hall shows Andrew dosing lightly outside the door. The moment the latch clicks Andrew’s eyes shoot open and Neil all but slams the door shut again.

Neil was leaning against the opposite side of the door, his chest heaving. He was a prisoner here. Andrew wasn’t who his subconscious told him he was. He wasn’t to be trusted.


	15. Kiss and Make up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I could push you.”
> 
> Neil leans a bit farther. “I’d take you down with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, friends. I'm back and it hasn't even been a week.   
> Things are finally calming down here, so I should be able to update more often.   
> Let me know what you think of the latest chapter!!

Neil’s heart was beating a million miles a minute. How long did he have before his father showed up to collect him? He’d been out all night, the sun streaming through the window affirmed that much. Why hadn’t they handed him off already?

Despite the churning in his stomach, he lifts the window and looks down the side of the house. Getting down from here wouldn’t kill him. And even if it did, he’d be better off than in the hands of his father. He needed to get out of here.

Once his feet were safely on the ground, he shoves his feet into his trainers and takes off down the street. He needed to call someone—who? Was Wymack in on their little plan? Matt seemed like the safest bet. A quick search of his pockets reveals the paper scrap Matt had shoved in his hands last night. It was crumpled, but still readable.

Getting to a major thoroughfare allowed him to convince a truck driver on his way back towards Palmetto to take him and drop him off at an exit somewhere a little less than an hour away.

~~~

Andrew had allowed Neil thirty minutes to calm down after his little freak-out when he opened the door. Admittedly, perhaps staking out his door like a prison guard wasn’t the best idea, but Andrew sure as hell wasn’t going to sit _in_ the room and watch him, so outside the room was the next best option.

Cautiously opening the door reveals that the room was empty. He must be in the bathroom, Andrew assures himself. It’s only when he sees the open window and remembers Stefan’s penchant for sneaking away that his heart starts to pound.

He’s about to tear the town apart looking for Neil when his phone rings. Wymack’s name pops up. Andrew assumes that Neil called him, because that’s the only reason he’d be calling Andrew before noon on a Saturday.

“What the hell is the matter with you!?” is the greeting he gets.

“Did you find him?”

“Thank fuck he had Matt’s number or we wouldn’t have. Get your asses back here.” Wymack hangs up on him and Andrew seethes silently. He seethes the entire time he hustles everyone back into the car. He seethes the entire way back to Palmetto. He seethes the entire elevator ride up to his dorm. It’s only when he sees Neil pushing Abby away that he stops seething.

Then he’s agitated for another reason. Neil ran from him. Neil thought he supported the plan last night. Neil ran from him and to Matt. He doesn’t wait for anyone to address him before turning on his heel and stalking to the roof. Neil stares after him. When Andrew had appeared in the door, it wasn’t just anger in his eyes, there was another emotion swirling around.

Concern. Neil’s mind supplies helpfully.

_Yeah,_ Neil scoffs internally, _concern that I’d tell everyone what they did last night._

“You’re sure you’re okay?” Matt asks him again.

“I’m fine.”

Wymack makes an unhappy sound at the remark but other than that, just glares at the remaining part of Andrew’s crew.

Nicky was hiding behind Kevin, apparently trying to make himself as small as possible. It was working quite well, given that Kevin was quite large and Nicky was rather small in comparison.

“What the hell were you thinking!” Wymack finally demands. When Kevin opens his mouth to speak, Wymack cuts him off. “That was a rhetorical question! What did I tell you after Matt? I told you no more. These basket cases can’t handle the abuse from all sides!”

Kevin doesn’t look sorry, but Nicky looks like he was wishing that the floor would open up and swallow him whole.

Wymack storms out after that. Abby stares after him for a moment, obviously perturbed before following him with a sigh.

Kevin wanders off, still not feeling remorseful, but Nicky hesitates. He walks to the door after a few beats of silence and Neil silently rejoices at the lack of serious conversation that he’s had to be involved in.

His relief was premature, however, because Nicky pauses by the door. “Neil, I’m really sorry. And I hope you can find a way to trust me again.”

Neil sneers at him before walking into his room and slamming the door to punctuate his statement.

He doesn’t miss the way Nicky’s face fell or the way Matt looked between them sadly.

It’s not long before there’s a knock at the door. Matt’s cautious head peers around the door a moment later. “Neil?”

“You live here too, you don’t have to knock coming into your own room.”

“I didn’t want to intrude. The girls are hosting movie night tonight, if you want to come.”

Neil contemplates it for a moment. Spending some time away from Andrew and his crew would probably be a good idea. He’d been around them almost the entire time that he’d been at Palmetto. But, being away from them didn’t necessarily mean having to be around other people.

Unfortunately, after having spent most of his morning with Matt, the tall man had grown on Neil slightly.

“Okay,” he finally concedes.

Matt grins at him, “awesome! Oh, if you wanna ride with me to practice, I get it.”

Neil contemplates for a moment. That would make a statement. And maybe a statement like that needed to be made. “Okay.”

“Neat, grab your gear before Kevin busts our asses for being late.”

For the first time, Neil wasn’t excited for practice. Nicky was standing in the hall, waiting for the rest of their group to finish getting ready when Neil stepped into the hall. “Neil, ready to go?”

“Uh-huh,” he says, stepping aside so Matt could step out into the hall behind him.

“Awesome, we’re just waiting on Aaron to get his lazy ass moving.”

“Yeah, I don’t care. I’m riding with Matt.” He steps neatly around Nicky and it takes all his willpower not to turn around when he hears Andrew appear at the door and start whispering things at Nicky in an unhappy tone.

Once they’re safely inside his truck, Matt speaks, “whoa man, I’ve never seen Andrew so angry about something and do nothing about it. You’ve gotta tell me sometime what your trick is for handling him.”

“I don’t ‘handle’ Andrew.”

The silence following Neil’s response grows tense and Matt reaches up and turns on the radio.

Somehow, Andrew and his crew beat them to the court and are nowhere to be found. Shrugging, Neil carries his gear to a stall to get changed.

When Neil strolls onto the court, Andrew was in his goal, looking a cross between irate and bored out of his mind. Kevin appeared to be arguing with him about something, but when the door bangs shut behind Neil he immediately stops speaking.

Neil jogs around the court a few times to warm himself up. He’s not sure what Kevin has in store for them in practice today, but from the look on his face, it’s going to be hellish.

Once everyone else is suited up and on the court, Kevin announces that they’re going to scrimmage. Somehow, Neil ends up on Kevin, Aaron, Andrew, and Nicky’s team. The upperclassmen worked well as a unit, but lacked finesse. Andrew’s crew had finesse, but lacked the teamwork. Every time Andrew stopped a ball from reaching the goal, it was aimed sharply at either Kevin or Nicky’s knees.

After the third ball batters his shins, Nicky throws his racket down. “I said I was sorry! What more do you want from me?”

Wymack bangs on the Plexiglas. “Leave your private life problems off the court!”

Nicky waves him off and picks up his stick again. Andrew didn’t let up, and Neil was sure that Kevin and Nicky would both have bruises tomorrow. Once Kevin declared practice over, Neil’s feet started carrying him in the direction of the goal before he realized two things. One, he was still mad at Andrew and two, Renee’ had beaten him there.

He still wasn’t keen on Renee’ and had been subtly trying to avoid her since the upperclassmen had arrived on campus.

Neil was the last one to the locker room besides Andrew, which meant that when he finished his shower, he’d theoretically have the locker room to himself. Unfortunately, he had no such luck and was cornered by Nicky just after leaving the showers.

“You have got to talk to Andrew. He’s going to kill us all.”

“I don’t want to talk to him. I don’t want to talk to any of you.” Neil shoulders past him, putting his things in his locker.

“Listen it wasn’t his idea. We didn’t even tell him. Well, er, Kevin didn’t tell him. He just led me to believe that this was all Andrew’s idea but it wasn’t so be mad at me or Kevin but for the love of all things good and holy on this earth kiss and make up with Andrew.”

Neil looks at him abruptly. “Why would I kiss—“ the words are half-way out of his mouth before he realizes that it was just an expression.

The only other shower running cuts off and Nicky’s head jerks up. “Please talk to him!” He says pleadingly before scurrying away.

Andrew appears a few moments later. He finds Neil staring into his locker like it held the secrets of the universe.

“So, the rabbit has decided to stop running for once in his life.”

“I know you didn’t do it, Andrew.” Neil’s still facing away from him, and Andrew wants to turn him around, just to see his face. To get a better hint at what he was thinking than the tension in Neil’s shoulders was currently giving him.

“I don’t care if you think I did it or not.”

“I think you do,” Neil was feeling braver, since Nicky told him that Andrew didn’t do it. Since he knew that maybe his judgement wasn’t as far off as he thought it was.

Andrew looked at him with narrowed eyes. “You’re riding back with us.”

Neil thinks about it for a moment. Matt probably wouldn’t be mad at him, but did he really want to give in that easily? Where was the fun in that?

“And if I say no?”

“When did you start standing up for yourself, Rabbit? Was it before or after you _ran away_ this morning?” Andrew grins at him, a feral thing that makes Neil’s skin crawl.

“That was different,” Neil says, because it was. That was running away from his father, from their inevitable meeting, from his inevitable death. This was facing someone he knew, at least on some level.

“Was it now? Silly me, I thought you were running from us.”

Neil was tired of this conversation. Really tired of this conversation. So, he just excuses himself from it. He grabs his bag and leaves Andrew standing there, an unreadable expression on his face.

Matt had the truck idling by the curb, waiting for him. “Hey Neil! I thought we were going to have to send in a search party after you!”

“Not this time.”

Matt’s easy chatter fills the car as he pulls away, and Neil decidedly does not look in any of the mirrors for a certain blonde-haired goalie.

 It was back at the dorms that Aaron cornered him. Neil had been minding his own business, perched on the edge of the roof when the door bangs open. A quick glance not only affirms that it was his least-favorite twin, but that he was also, apparently, planning on settling in for a long talk.

Neil sneers at him.

“Don’t make that face.”

As childish as he is, the only thing he can come up with is “you’re not the boss of me.” So that’s what he says.

“Jesus, you are exactly the same.”

Neil freezes and tries to figure out what Aaron wants without blatantly staring at him.

“Don’t give me that look. I might not have Andrew’s memory, but I’m not an idiot.”

That means he must’ve known Aaron then, when he knew Andrew. It bothered him that he didn’t know when that was, or how well they knew each other. Or even what was going on between him and Andrew at the time.

Neil had never gotten attached to someone as quickly as he’d found himself rather attached to Andrew.

“Listen,” Aaron breaks the silence, “I don’t understand what was or is between you and my brother, nor do I particularly care for it, but he’s making us all miserable. Kevin thinks you know something and he went behind Andrew’s back. Andrew, I thought he was going to kill us last night. Just go make up with him so he’ll stop torturing all of us.”

Neil sits, kicking his heels against the side of the building, thinking.

He’d just opened his mouth to speak when Andrew’s voice comes across the roof, “Aaron, leave Neil alone, he doesn’t want to speak to any of us anymore, remember? He’s one of the upperclassmen now.”

Neil wants to rebuke the claim, but he knows it’ll get under Andrew’s skin if he doesn’t.

Aaron looks between Neil and Andrew before shrugging and walking off. Andrew waits for the door to bang shut before sitting down next to Neil. He shakes out a cigarette and lights it, holding it in the air between them so the smoke drifts towards Neil.

The silent concession was enough to make Neil relax slightly. He leans forward to look out over the edge of the roof.

“I could push you.”

Neil leans a bit farther. “I’d take you down with me.”

“You wouldn’t”

“I would.”

Andrew scoffs “you’re too much of a martyr to take me down with you.”

 

 


	16. Lunch Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That one word is all it takes for Andrew to know exactly what he’s talking about. “Don’t you trust me, Stefan?” The smile on Andrew’s face does not bode well for the day’s lunch.
> 
> “I still don’t know who the fuck Stefan is,” Neil grumbles as he gets into the car

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends, so I have three exams in a row this week. I am preparing for my death. I have planned a funeral for directly after my calculus exam.  
> (Basically, I probably won't have another chapter up for a week or greater)  
> I hope this chapter is up to snuff. let me know what you think!!

Neil hated his classes. He was going to drop this stupid history class as soon as possible. That shit was boring. It’s not like it even mattered what classes he was in because he wasn’t going to be here more than a year anyways.

As if Andrew could sense his desire to run, he appears out of the crowd at Neil’s side. “We’re going to lunch.” He declares. Neil just follows him, at a loss for things to do. He had no reason not to eat with Andrew. He was done with classes for the day.

Andrew bypasses the dining court, headed towards his car. Neil hesitates, remembering the last time he went off campus in Andrew’s car. Granted, he’d been assured by everyone in Andrew’s crew—besides Andrew—that Andrew wasn’t responsible for what happened.

Despite his better judgement, Neil still trusted Andrew.

A heavy hand on the car horn shocks him out of his thoughts.

Andrew leans out the window, “get in the car. We’re leaving.”

Neil’s halfway inside before he realizes that Andrew should still be on his meds for the day, it was too early for him to postpone the nighttime dose like he did for evening practice. He stops. “Andrew.”

That one word is all it takes for Andrew to know exactly what he’s talking about. “Don’t you trust me, _Stefan_?” The smile on Andrew’s face does not bode well for the day’s lunch.

“I still don’t know who the fuck Stefan is,” Neil grumbles as he gets into the car. Andrew’s out of the parking lot before Neil can even get the door shut. He’s grinning terribly, and Neil’s heart is beating out of his chest. Rather than say anything, he grabs the door handle and holds on for dear life. He didn’t run from his father just to die in a fiery car accident.

Andrew’s phone rings and he tosses it to Neil, gesturing for him to answer.

Hesitantly, he does. “Hello?”

“Neil?” Wymack sounds surprised to hear his voice on the other side of the phone. It’s not terribly unusual, Andrew has had Neil answer the phone for him before. Nicky almost expects it now, saying “hey Neil,” without waiting to make sure it’s actually him answering Andrew’s phone.

“Neil? Is Andrew with you?”

“Yeah coach, he’s right here.” Neil tells himself that his eyes had just darted over to look at Andrew, that he hadn’t been looking at him this entire time.

“Put him on.”

The look Andrew gives him makes Neil clutch the phone tighter. “I’d really rather not.”

“Is he driving? GODDAMN IT MINYARD! NO DRIVING ON YOUR MEDS!”

Neil jerks the phone away from his ear, trying to hide the new tremor in his hands.

“Awe Coach, Neil doesn’t like it when you shout,” Andrew grins at him, not focusing on the road enough to make Neil comfortable.

“Eyes on the road!” He shouts as oncoming traffic starts to get close enough to be a danger.

Andrew gestures dismissively at him but turns back to the road nonetheless.

“I think he heard you, coach,” Neil finally says when he’s brave enough to put the phone back up to his ear.

“Good. Tell him that he’s a fucking road hazard and I ought to take his keys.”

“That would be inadvisable,” Andrew joins the conversation.

Wymack scoffs before hanging up, clearly understanding that he wasn’t going to get anywhere with either of them.

Andrew’s hands were tight on the steering wheel, knuckles turning white. Neil wanted to reach over and run his fingers across them. The look on Andrew’s face told him that was unwise.

Andrew pulls into some small hole-in-the-wall place that looked like it was falling down.

A bell chimed above the door as Andrew strolled inside and Neil trailed in behind him. The girl behind the counter calls out a greeting, and an unpleasant feeling curls low in Neil’s belly. Who was this girl? Why did she sound like she was on such familiar terms with Andrew? Neil narrows his eyes at her, the feeling inside of him starting to seep out into the air around them.

Andrew doesn’t react outwardly, but there was an unusual expression in his eyes that Neil couldn’t place. The girl bounced over to their table a moment later and Neil spent her entire visit slouched over in his seat, arms crossed over his chest and a harsh look on his face.

The girl leaves and Andrew turns to Neil. “What’s the matter, Neil?” The tone in which it’s asked tells Neil that it is not, in fact, out of concern that Andrew had asked him such a question.

Neil just narrows his eyes in response.

The inner Andrew, the part that was silenced by his infuriating medication, wants to take his turn in their truth exchange. Now would be as good a time as any, but since he was high as a kite, nothing worthy of a truth was coming to mind.

As if Neil was reading his mind he says, “I want a truth.”

“It’s not your turn.” Andrew isn’t looking at him directly, instead pretending to focus intently on bending one of the tines of his fork. If he succeeded, he’d tip enough that they could buy an entire new set, but he doubted that would be an issue.

“Then you start.”

For the first time in a long time, Andrew didn’t know what to say. He could ask lots of things. Although, if “Neil’s” memory loss was genuine, he wouldn’t be able to answer.  “Where were you, before Milport?” is what he eventually settles on.

Neil furrows his brows. “California. I think.” The western states all blended together for Neil, especially because he passed through most of them in a haze of grief.

The look he got from Andrew was scathing. “You think?”

“I don’t remember.” Neil goes from unsure to defensive in under five seconds.

“You don’t remember? Or you don’t want to remember so you don’t have to tell me?”

“I don’t remember!”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Tough shit.” Neil leans back from where he had been leaning over the table. Internally, Andrew frowns at the more closed off position Neil had adopted. When they sat down, he’d been testy, but not closed off. Andrew sits and waits for Neil to realize that it was his turn.

Apparently, he’d been thrown off his train of thought because he was staring uselessly off into the distance. Andrew’s favorite part about Neil’s former irritation is that he missed the fact that the girl—Audrey—was sending glances at him, not at Andrew.

She comes back and deposits their food, lingering. After a few seconds of Neil continuing his trend of obliviousness she deflates and walks away.

Neil jerks back into consciousness and looks over at Andrew. “When did I order?” He looked incredibly perturbed by the fact that he couldn’t remember ordering but food had showed up nonetheless.

“You didn’t.” Andrew glosses over the fact that he’d successfully ordered for Neil.

Neil, apparently, does not want to gloss over the fact that Andrew had successfully ordered for him because he stops eating and stares at Andrew like he’d been expecting a different answer. For as long as it sometimes took him to figure out things, Neil figured had this out very quick.

He waits for Andrew to elaborate, but Andrew had already made up his mind that he wasn’t going to tell Neil what happened unless he used a truth on it. “It’s my turn.”

“That’s very astute of you. You’ve been hanging out with Day too much.”

Neil narrows his eyes. After the Columbia fiasco, Neil’s demeanor immediately soured any time anyone brought up Kevin. “When we went to Columbia, Kevin drugged me.”

“Jesus, you and Day really are peas in a pod. You’ve both got the stickball obsession _and_ you like to state the obvious.”

“I wasn’t finished.” Neil snaps, gritting his teeth.

“That’s bad for your teeth,” Andrew says in a condescendingly helpful tone.

“You owe me a truth.”

Andrew blinks at him.

“The night in Columbia, when Kevin drugged me, he asked me what I knew. Which means you didn’t tell him. Why?”

Andrew already hated Neil’s contacts, but now, when he wanted to see what emotions were swirling behind his normally striking irises they were even more offending. The brown dulled everything about his eyes. Andrew wasn’t prepared to answer this question. He didn’t think Neil would cut to the core this quickly. He figured Neil would waste a fair amount of truths before realizing that he could ask anything.

His inner monologue wasn’t helping with its repetitive narration of “tick tock”. Andrew would almost rather die than admit this truth to Neil. But, he was a man of his word. “You don’t trust Nicky or Kevin or Aaron.”

It was as close to a non-answer as Andrew could give while still telling the truth. Andrew had worked too hard to gain Stefan’s trust just to piss it all away. Neil was looking at him, his emotions _finally_ coming through his stupid contacts. Andrew reaches across the table and pushes his face away.

Andrew finishes his meal without taking another turn. He’d eaten slow enough that Neil had finished and was eyeing the leftovers on Andrew’s plate. Andrew shoves the plate away and goes up to the counter to pay, feeling prouder of himself than he should when Neil reached for the food left on his plate.

 


	17. Group Excursions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Apparently everyone wants to break their deals this week." is all Andrew says, laughing and grinning at them in a way that was more threatening than amused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello darlings!!  
> another chapter a little short and a little late but you'll have to bear with me because the chapter after this one is a good one i promise!!  
> let me know what you think!

Somehow, the foxes had all been coerced into making a group trip to the mall. That was why the group current stood in the middle of the food court, deciding who was to go with whom. Seth had wandered off as soon as the conversation had started, waving his hand dismissively when told what time to meet everyone else. Aaron didn’t look too far from wandering off either.

Somehow, Andrew, Neil, Nicky and Allison ended up in a group, declaring that they were going to upgrade and update Neil’s wardrobe. Andrew looked about as thrilled as Neil when it came to visiting all the clothing stores in the mall.

Nicky and Allison were merciless, and when Neil sent a pleading look to Andrew, he returned it with a bored look. Allison kept pulling out shirts in bright, neon colors which, in turn, Neil kept declining. After he turned down the latest round of flamboyantly colored garments, Allison turned to him with her hands on her hips. “Neil, you’re turning down every single piece of clothing I pull. And I’ve gotten one of every color under the sun.”

“I don’t like bright colors.”                                                    

“Then what colors do you like?” She had shifted all her weight to one leg and was looking at him with an eyebrow raised.

“Grey.”

“Grey?”

“Grey is my favorite color, if I had to pick one.”

Allison looked aghast. “Grey? You’re kidding.”

“Nope.” Neil pops the ‘p’ in nope before wandering off to look at the neutral colored sweaters and shirts. Andrew trails behind him, observing how he picked his clothes.

Neil touches every shirt he walked by, and if he deemed it soft enough, he pulled it out to look at.

Much to Allison—and Nicky’s—delight, she had managed to talk him into a few sweaters that were not grey or black. Andrew raises an eyebrow at him and Neil just shrugs in response.

When they make a stop in another store, Neil turns around to say something to Andrew and tries to bury the panic that arises when the blonde man is nowhere in sight.

Ever perceptive, Allison says, “Andrew wandered off after the last store. He’ll be back soon.”

Her nonchalance about his disappearance isn’t exactly comforting, but there’s not much Neil could do about it short of trying to find Andrew. Which, Neil thinks, is a bad idea, because if Andrew had wanted them to join him wherever he was going, Andrew would’ve simply taken charge of the group.

Neil hadn’t realized before how much he trusted Andrew to watch his back. Without him, Neil’s head was on a swivel even more so than normal. That scares him even more. He hadn’t realized how much he had come to rely on Andrew.

His mother’s voice echoed in his head, telling him to get out of here. That he’d already gotten too comfortable and it was going to get him killed.

A hand on his shoulder jerks Neil out of his reverie. He whirls around and comes face to face with a white plastic bag. There’s some kind of brightly colored logo on one side, but it’s too close to his face for Neil to be able to see what it says.

Andrew’s face appears around the side of the bag as he lowers it to shove it into Neil’s chest. “When Wymack calls you, pick up the fucking phone.”

“I will. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not you,” Neil snarks back. Andrew stood and looked at him unimpressed before something draws his attention and he turns away.

Neil drifts away, looking for somewhere to examine the contacts of the bag that had just been thrust upon him.

There wasn’t much in said bag. A small grey flip phone, one just like Andrew’s. A quick search of the phone shows that several numbers had been already programmed in. Andrew’s now familiar number was number one on the speed dial. Wymack’s equally familiar number was number two. Abby was number three, and a number he didn’t know was number four.

Andrew appears at his shoulder, “that’s Betsy’s number.”

Neil jumps and is met by the smile that he hates so much.

“Tsk, Tsk Neil. You’d think after so many years, you’d be better at hiding your emotions.”

Neil narrows his eyes. “I’m great at hiding my emotions.”

Andrew lets out a loud laugh before dropping loudly into the chair next to Neil’s. The rest of their teammates slowly appear at the table. Allison had acquired several more shopping bags since Neil had last seen her. Nicky was the same.

After a few minutes, Aaron was the only one missing. A flash of blonde across the common space catches Neil’s attention. Aaron was walking towards them, hand in hand with one of the girls Neil had seen around Fox Tower. Andrew follows his gaze and frowns.

When Andrew stands, Neil mirrors him. The glare he receives in response is almost enough to make him sit back down, but Neil has never been particullarly good at doing what he’s told. So, he follows Andrew across the open space to step in front of Aaron.

Andrew was glaring at the girl with a fierce dislike that Neil hadn’t seen for a long while. Aaron looked like he wanted to be anywhere else. The girl’s look wasn’t much different. 

"Apparently everyone wants to break their deals this week." is all Andrew says, laughing and grinning at them in a way that was more threatening than amused. 


	18. Get the Fuck Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil was silent as he climbs into the car after his appointment. Andrew throws the sandwich he was holding in his lap at Neil’s head. Neil sputters indignantly for a moment before shrugging and unwrapping the sandwich.
> 
> Nicky watched the interaction with thinly veiled interest before Andrew snaps at him to watch the road.
> 
> Neil’s head starts to hurt in the way that says he’s about to remember something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> I think this is the second chapter this week, I'm doing so good.  
> Let me know what you think, hearing from you guys brightens my day!

Neil was supposed to be at Betsy’s office in ten minutes, and he had no idea how to get there. He wondered, briefly, what the repercussions would be if he just didn’t show.

He’ll never get to figure it out, because his door flies open and Andrew was standing there, looking like he was ready to drag Neil kicking and screaming from the room.

“Get the fuck up.”

Neil looks at him boredly. “Or what?”

“If you don’t meet with Betsy you can’t play.” Andrew waltzes out, calling to Nicky to get his ass in gear. Nicky shouts something back but Neil couldn’t tell what exactly he said. Experience told him it was probably something along the lines of ‘I’m coming’ but more colorful.

Neil still didn’t move from his spot on the couch. Andrew appeared at the door a minute later and glared at him, eyes briefly flicking down to where Neil had just finished tying his shoes. “Josten.”

“Minyard.”

Andrew had just opened his mouth to respond when Kevin storms in. “Why the fuck are you still here?”

“Get out.” Neil says, settling more firmly into the couch cushions. He had been intending to get up, but now he felt like spiting Kevin.

Kevin sneers at him and crosses the room to try and grab Neil’s arm and pull him up. Neil’s leg shoots out and his heel jabs Kevin just above the kneecap, causing his leg to buckle.

Andrew raises an eyebrow at him. “Neil, it’s time to go.”

Neil makes a face at Kevin as he steps over him and walks out the door. Matt was in the girl’s room so he didn’t need to lock the door. He had come to appreciate Matt’s company quite a bit, not only was he good at carrying one-sided conversations, but he also could tell when Neil needed some time alone.

He’s jerked out of his thoughts by Andrew sliding into the passenger seat, leaving him to sit in the back by himself. Nicky goes to turn on the radio but Andrew slaps his hand away with a dismissive “no.”

Neil doesn’t get the chance to zone out because they pull up at the complex in a matter of minutes. The look Andrew shoots him over his shoulder is enough to have him getting out of the car and going up to the door.

He’s halfway inside before he realizes that the look Andrew gave him wasn’t entirely hostile. In fact, it wasn’t hostile at all. He checks in and sits in one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs while pondering just what was hiding behind Andrew’s largely impassive face.

~~~

Josten was becoming a problem. He had somehow wormed his way close enough to Andrew that he could read the nearly indecipherable expressions that Andrew turned on the world. That was dangerous.

He itched to consult Bee about this, but he would keep Stefan’s secrets, even from her. That also meant that Renee’ was out of the question and his stupid muddled brain couldn’t keep straight which things were real and fake. Obviously Stefan hadn’t come back, Andrew was just seeing what he wanted to see, or perhaps his brain had gone so haywire that it was making things up.

Just because Neil had been there when Andrew wasn’t high as a kite, didn’t mean that he wasn’t a side effect.

Everything would be so much easier if he was. Wouldn’t it?

Andrew didn’t need anybody. People needed him, several people needed him. Nicky, so kind he’d never hurt a fly couldn’t stand up for himself against the bigots and homophobes. Kevin couldn’t stand up to Riko, and Aaron—Aaron needed Andrew for a myriad of reasons.

Stefan _had_ needed him, but that had been so many lives ago. Andrew had been different then, different but still the same. He’d been ready to walk out, all those years ago when Stefan first told him the truth. That part of himself that told him not to leave—Andrew stopped listening to that part of himself after Stefan left.

Just as he was beginning to grasp a train of thought that would take him where he wanted to go, the medicine whisked it away, leaving him glowering out the window. Nicky had just been idling by the curb, waiting for Andrew to tell him where to go.

“Food,” is all he says before trying to get back to what he was thinking about. Stefan, Stefan and leaving and—and just like sand through open hands, the thought escapes. He remembers Stefan leaving and what happened, but how he felt about that entire series of events was nothing more than a blur in his memory.

Nicky pulls up at Andrew’s favorite place but stays in the car, waiting to see what Andrew was going to do. Without a word, he hops out of the car but gestures for Nicky to stay put. He appreciated that Nicky not only knew his favorite restaurant, but knew that he wanted to go there today to at least try and settle his mind.

Andrew had never been good with words, far and away preferring gestures. Words could easily be falsehoods, for someone to act against their beliefs, that was a rarity.

Not wanting to go down that rabbit hole any farther, he grabs the bag of food and throws down the money to cover it, in addition to a generous tip before stalking back out to the car. Nicky can barely cover his look of surprise at the bag that lands in his lap once Andrew had sorted his food out.

~~~

Neil was silent as he climbs into the car after his appointment. Andrew throws the sandwich he was holding in his lap at Neil’s head. Neil sputters indignantly for a moment before shrugging and unwrapping the sandwich.

Nicky watched the interaction with thinly veiled interest before Andrew snaps at him to watch the road.

Neil’s head starts to hurt in the way that says he’s about to remember something.

~~~

_Andrew had convinced his foster parents to let him borrow the old truck that normally just sat in the driveway. It had started from a petty argument about Andrew always driving, at the end of which, Stefan was forced to admit that he couldn’t drive, which was why they were currently sitting idling on an unpopulated back-road, arguing about whether or not Stefan should learn to drive._

_“It’s easy!” Andrew says, jerking Stefan across the center consul and nearly onto his lap before wiggling around him and into the passenger seat._

_It was apparent, in that moment, that Andrew was more comfortable around Stefan than he was around most people. At school, he was reserved and calculated, never making a move that wasn’t clearly thought out in advance, but when it was just the two of them, it was almost as if he was acting upon his first gut instinct._

_It made Stefan look at him like the eighth wonder of the world, which irritated Andrew to no end. Upon on such instance as he was caught looking—and clearly enjoying the view—Andrew had shoved his face away. “I’m not your answer,” he had said, “and you sure as fuck aren’t mine.”_

_That had only made Stefan attempt to give him that look more subtly. He was giving Andrew the same look now. He notices that Andrew had noticed his gaze and jerks his eyes away quickly._

_“I don’t think I can do this Andrew,” his voice is soft, like he’s afraid to admit such a thing._

_“Yes, you can. The one on the right is the gas. Just put the car into drive and press it softly.”_

_Stefan miscalculates what gently means, and they shoot forward. He slams his foot on the break after that and the seatbelts are the only thing that keep them from going through the windshield._

_“Okay, new plan.” Andrew pauses for a moment, “scoot forward.”_

_Stefan does what he says, looking over his shoulder as Andrew climbs behind him. Andrew was taller than Stefan by a several inches, allowing him to see above Stefan’s head._

_Stefan swallows harshly. “Ready?”_

_“Uh-huh.”_

_Stefan doesn’t move to put the truck back in drive, rather he turns around so that his nose is nearly brushing Andrew’s._

_“Andrew,” he says, his harsh whisper breaking the silence of the car. “Can I—can I, um” Stefan’s eyes dart to his lips. He starts again, “can I, maybe, um, can I kiss you?”_

_“Yes.” Andrew breathes, leaning forward as he wraps his arms around Stefan._

~~~

When Neil zones back into the conversation happening in the car he realizes that he’s been staring at Andrew, and both Nicky and Andrew had both definitely noticed. He licks his lips before realizing he implications of the action, and blushing slightly.


	19. The In-Crowd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Minyard! What the fuck do you think this is? Musical chairs? Pick a seat and sit your ass down,” Wymack’s voice calls from the front of the bus. Neil jerks at Wymack’s shout and curls in tighter on himself.
> 
> “Neil,” Andrew hisses, hunching so it looked like the back row of the bus was empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloo lovelies!!  
> Here's another chapter for you! I imagine that it'll be um hm less than your favorite because whats a story without some pain, right?  
> let me know what you think!!  
> (Also for all the musical people, I'm seeing Dear Evan Hansen tomorrow and i can't waitttt)

Andrew turned back around, trying his hardest not to ponder just what the look Neil was giving him meant. The only silver lining was that Nicky was oblivious enough that he didn’t notice.

He’d just settled into the slightly less than awkward tension in the car when the wrapper from Neil’s sandwich bounces off his head. He whirls around and is met with Neil looking out the window, doing his best to appear the picture of innocence.

Andrew narrows his eyes, but turns back forward again.

Kevin was waiting for them outside of Fox Tower when they pulled up. “Are you cleared? The game is tonight Neil.”

Andrew can visibly see Neil counting to ten in multiple languages inside of his head.

“I’m cleared.”

~~~

Somehow, on the bus, Neil ends up next to Renee. She still gave him that icky feeling that he couldn’t describe.

Perhaps, if Neil could remember more about—about everything then he’d be able to figure out what this feeling of unease was and why Andrew trusted her so implicitly.

Renee just looked at him, a delicate brow raised when he fidgets with his phone and alternates between looking out the window, checking to make sure Andrew was where he was sitting a moment ago, and darting towards her nervously. He had foolishly assumed no one would sit with him and chosen a window seat. Now, however, he was left feeling very trapped.

She waited until the bus ride was well and truly underway before engaging Neil in conversation. It started out benign, but quickly turned to more serious topics.

“Neil, you understand that Andrew is one of my closest friends, right?”

His eyes dart to the aforementioned man. “I gathered that.”

“Which means that if you hurt him, whatever you’re running from will be the least of your worries. We all left lives behind, but I don’t have a problem recalling who I used to be.”

Normally, such words would have Neil cowering in fear, but looking at Renee, looking at her face and seeing the surety in her belief that she was worse than any monster he could dream up, Neil felt Nathaniel take control for a moment. His father’s smile starts to stretch across his face. “I think you of all people should know that sometimes things aren’t so cut and dry.”

There’s a flash of something in her eyes before it’s very forcibly tamped down. “Andrew likes to be independent, but I’m watching his back.”

“Oh, what a shame that you still don’t seem to be a part of the in-crowd.”

With that, Neil puts his earbuds in and leans his head against the window, feigning sleep. Renee allows him to sit quietly for approximately 10 minutes before tapping him on the shoulder. Neil grabs her hand and then uses it to shove her back to the edge of their shared seat.

Andrew heard the scuffle from where he was dozing and was looking back at them, suspicion in his gaze as it turns to Renee. Without a word to Kevin, who had been chattering at him since they got on the bus, Andrew stands and moves to the seat directly in front of them, shoving Seth to the ground to take his seat.

The top of his head just barely stuck out over the top of the seat, but he could still turn around and glare at them. Foolishly, Neil finds himself more at ease with Andrew right there. Renee, apparently, does not, as she takes up fidgeting.

Neil wasn’t sure if he was more surprised that Andrew had come back here after sensing his duress or that Seth hadn’t put up a fight at being ousted from his seat. He had moved to sit with Allison, pouting and allowing her to console him while shoot accusing looks between Andrew and Neil.

“Neil, I’m sorry. I approached this the wrong way. I just want to make sure that my family is safe.” At this, her eyes dart towards Andrew and then to Allison before settling on the rest of the team.

“I am only as much of a threat to you as you are to me.” Neil wasn’t cruel unless provoked.

Renee sighs and settles into her seat, clearly mulling things over. Neil puts his earbuds back in and leans back against the window. Something bouncing off of his forehead has Neil jerking upright and pulling the earbuds out of his ears.

Andrew’s eyes held a glint of satisfaction as he peered over the seat at Neil, who just narrowed his eyes before settling back in. He wasn’t in the mood for any more interaction. He’d just gotten comfortable when another wadded up piece of paper bounces off his forehead.

He doesn’t react this time, instead settling in more determinedly. It’s not long before one of the earbuds is pulled out of his ear. Neil cracks his eye fast enough to see Andrew’s hand retracting back to the safety of his seat.

Andrew’s face is the blank slate that it normally is, but something in his eyes tells Neil that he was incredibly entertained by this. For reasons he didn’t feel like contemplating, Neil wasn’t as bothered by this as he could be.

He closes his eyes most of the way, enough to make Andrew think he wasn’t paying attention again. When the slim hand and wrist comes back into his line of sight his hand whips up and wraps around Andrew’s wrist.

“No.” Andrew says.

Neil lets go as if he’s been scalded. What was he thinking? Andrew didn’t like to be touched. This was probably—no this was definitely a breach of Andrew’s trust. Now he’d tell Neil he had to leave—now he’d let Neil leave.

Renee watched the interaction with interest, watching as Neil retreats further into the seat almost as if he expects to be attacked. Andrew’s hand was still hanging in the air between them.

Andrew slowly retracts his hand, looking at Neil the entire time.

The reason this piqued Renee’s interest is because his ‘no’ was considerably less frantic than she had heard it when he was feeling particularly touch averse. She raised an eyebrow at him, to which he responded with a raised eyebrow of his own.

Neil hadn’t bothered to put his earbud back in from where it had been pulled out earlier, but he had tucked himself into the corner of the bench.

“Neil,” Andrew whispers his name harshly, frowning when the other man doesn’t respond. “Neil.”

Renee looks between the two of them before standing and moving up to sit next to Kevin, engaging him in quiet conversation. Andrew moves around the seat to sit next to Neil.

“Minyard! What the fuck do you think this is? Musical chairs? Pick a seat and sit your ass down,” Wymack’s voice calls from the front of the bus. Neil jerks at Wymack’s shout and curls in tighter on himself.

“Neil,” Andrew hisses, hunching so it looked like the back row of the bus was empty. This was a private moment and they didn’t need anyone else intruding.

~~~

_They were laying on Andrew’s bed, taking a break from playing whatever game had already been in the Playstation. Stefan was ridiculously comfortable, especially because being around Andrew was so new. They hadn’t been friends for very long, only about a month, but Stefan had spent every spare moment hanging out with Andrew._

_He started to doze, listening to Andrew’s steady breathing from the other side of the bed. It doesn’t take long for Andrew to get bored and start picking at him. He waves Andrew away a few times, smothering a grin before Andrew’s seeking fingers find a ticklish spot on his side._

_He giggles and writhes for a moment before managing to grab Andrew’s wrist._

_“No!” Andrew shouts, shoving himself nearly off the bed._

_Stefan scrambles to get away and falls off the bed. Despite the short height, it knocks the breath from his lungs. He’d gone too far. He’d gone too far and now Andrew was going to want to be rid of him. The one person he’d gotten attached to wouldn’t want him anymore._

_He finally picks himself up off the ground and goes to get his shoes and coat from where they lay by the door to Andrew’s room. Trying to be subtle, he sneaks a glance over at Andrew, surprised to see Andrew looking at him, his expression halfway between rage and confusion._

_“You can’t handle the baggage?” He sneers._

_“_ You _can’t handle the baggage.” Stefan says._

_Andrew scoffs and pushes himself up off the bed. He puts his hand on the back of Stefan’s neck, looking at his eyes for any sense of discomfort as he leans their foreheads together._

_Stefan exhales heavily. He wasn’t being banished. Andrew didn’t want him to go. He could stay._

~~~

Neil snaps back to the present and dares a look at Andrew. The blonde man was staring at him, very clearly trying to decide what to do.

Andrew hadn’t wanted him to leave then, but when was that memory from? Had that been from when they were—when they were whatever they had been when he was Stefan?

“I—sorry.” His voice sounded strangled to his own ears, God only knows how he sounded to Andrew. Pathetic, no doubt.

Not that it mattered much what Andrew thought of him, he wasn’t going to be alive for long, and he was going to be at Palmetto for even less time than that.


	20. How Early is Too Early?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A quick glance at his phone showed that it was slightly after three. That was a reasonable time to get up and head to the court. Everyone else would be up in a few hours anyways, a little extra practice could do him some good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my dears,   
> here's another chapter for you! things are finally getting real!  
> all of your kind comments give me life!!  
> (That's a hint to talk to me and validate me and let me know what you think! if you don't know what to say, tell me about your day!)

The foxes lost. Rather terribly. The team wasn’t cohesive. Neil wasn’t surprised, especially not after how practice had been going lately. Seth didn’t even wait for them to get to the locker rooms before unleashing a torrent of anger upon them. He whirls on Neil.

“This is your fault!”

“How the fuck is this my fault? I played better than half the people on this team!”

The rest of the team makes various noises of offense at Neil’s remark, wondering who he could possibly be referring to.

“This is your fault because you think you’re better than all of us! You’re just another wanna-be, runaway with nowhere to go.” He’s snarling in Neil’s face by the end of it, and the only give away that Neil was anything less than composed was the curling of his fingers into fists to keep him from lunging forward.

“Break it up.” Wymack says gruffly, muscling between them. For whatever reason, he put his back to Neil and shoves Seth back.

Despite the fact that Wymack’s back was to him, Neil still got the urge to get away, to be more than an arm’s length away. The fact he was facing the other direction didn’t mean anything, it was all too easy to whirl around and grab someone within arm’s reach.

Neil’s in the process of taking his fourth step back when he steps directly on top of someone’s toes. “Fucking hell Rabbit. Watch where you’re going.” Andrew’s solid presence behind him is a welcome anchor. He isn’t back at home, he’s at Palmetto.

Deciding that he’d made enough of a spectacle of himself and Neil, Andrew steps back and barely smothers the snort of amusement when Neil nearly falls on his ass.

Kevin follows Andrew into the locker rooms, blocking the door momentarily.

“Ah, ah, ah, Kevin. I need my next dose of happy pills before we can have this conversation.” Andrew wags his finger like a mother would do to deride a small child, falling back into the bravado that hid him well. Kevin stalks over to his locker and throws the pills at Andrew’s head, rather violently.

Andrew almost wishes that Kevin hadn’t given him the bottle. He wasn’t looking forward to dosing up again, he hated this shit. At least this way Neil—Stefan could be blamed on his fucked up head, not on the fact that the universe really wanted to say Fuck You to Andrew personally.

“What the ever-loving fuck is going on between you and Neil!” Kevin hisses, looking more like a stilted lover than an intimidating asshole. Andrew knew exactly what that looked like, he saw it in the mirror every day. He doesn’t deign to respond to Kevin, instead choosing to collect his things to shower and change out. Kevin darts around him.

“We aren’t done.”

Andrew arches a brow at him, “is that so?” He takes another step in Kevin’s direction, tilting his chin upwards is both so that he looks haughty and so that he can look Kevin in the eyes.

“You owe me an answer, Andrew.”

That’s what did it. Andrew shoves past him brutally, shoulder-checking him into the doorframe. “I don’t owe anyone, anything.”

“You owe me protection! We made a deal! Neil is putting everything and everyone here in jeopardy!!”

~~~

It was clear to Neil that when the team got on the bus Kevin and Andrew were fighting. Kevin had dropped heavily into the seat next to Aaron, scowling when Andrew raised his chin and waltzed back to the back of the bus to drop next to Neil.

Neil blinked at him and tried to hide his surprise.

“Staring.”

~~~

_“Staring” Andrew wasn’t even looking at Stefan. His eyes were on the road. Stefan would know, he’d been intently watching Andrew drive for the last ten miles or so. He had no idea where they were going,_ away _somewhere presumably. Not that Stefan would ever object._

_Sometimes, he fooled himself into thinking this was all he’d ever be. Andrew’s boy, sitting shotgun and barely a step behind Andrew on every adventure._

_Andrew’s looking at him—he’d taken too long to respond._

_It’s too easy to feel those words behind his front teeth, ready to come flying out of his mouth at any moment. It’s too much, Stefan has to look away._

_A few beats of silence pulse through the car, then, “you don’t have to stop.”_

_A breath. A quick glance that confirms the light was red. Another breath. Stefan leans over the center consul._

_Andrew saw this coming. He knows, has been given ample time to refuse. Doesn’t. Can’t._

_This isn’t new. They’ve been doing this for a couple weeks now. To them, the two boys who live in more impermanent worlds than most, a couple weeks is nearly a lifetime._

_A honk._

_They pull apart._

_“Later.” Andrew promises, his hand curling around the nape of Stefan’s neck._

~~~

Neil inhales sharply. Andrew was staring at him, an eyebrow raised in question.

Not for the first time, Neil wonders what happens when he regains memories. Did he just stare off into space? Did his face give away what he was remembering?

God, he hoped not. The look Andrew was giving him said that it didn’t. He had just opened his mouth to say something when Wymack stands and claps his hands, gathering their attention to the front of the bus.

“Due to the spectacular game we just played, Kathy Ferdinand wants to talk to Kevin and Neil on her show the day after tomorrow.

Neil’s eyes widen partially in surprise, partially in fear. He was expected to go on national tv? If Andrew could recognize him, who’s to say that his father’s people, or the Moriyamas wouldn’t either.

A gentle hand grabs the back of his neck and squeezes, pulling Neil out of his head and back into the now chaotic atmosphere of the bus.

Kevin was ecstatic but several other members of the team—mostly Seth, with Allison chiming in occasionally—were upset that Neil was chosen to go on the show with Kevin over a ‘more seasoned member of the team’.

Neil rolled his eyes.

“It’s my turn,” Andrew says, looking at Neil to see if he’d contest the claim. He doesn’t, assuming that Andrew wouldn’t lie to him. “Do you want to go with Kevin?”

“I can’t.”

“Okay.” A pause. “Neil isn’t going,” he announces to the rest of the bus. Nine pairs of eyes land on Neil simultaneously.

“Oh, I didn’t realize you needed Andrew’s permission,” Kevin sneers, clearly wanting to show off his newest recruit. Neil opens his mouth to contest the claim but Andrew’s hand settles just above his knee and squeezes, silencing his response.

Wymack looks back at them and raises an eyebrow. “I guess I’ll tell Kathy that you can’t join Kevin on stage.

“JUST LIKE THAT?!” Kevin shouts, jumping up from his seat. Aaron reaches up and puts his hand on Kevin’s arm and whispers something that gets him to sit back down. Andrew looks between the two of them, frowning before turning his attention back to Neil.

“I'm taking my turn,” Neil says lowly.

Andrew raises an eyebrow in response.

“Why are you letting them believe it’s you not letting me go on the show, rather than telling them the truth?”

“Less effort.” Andrew shrugs, moving across the aisle to sleep. A niggling feeling inside Neil says that, that wasn’t the whole truth, but he lets it go anyway. That same part of himself saying that he shouldn’t wake Andrew unless necessary.

He doesn’t feel comfortable sleeping on the way back to Palmetto, so instead he amuses himself on his phone until Matt comes back to join him. After a short internal debate, he takes the bench in front of Neil, rather than moving to sit beside him.

“You know you could go on the show if you wanted, right?”

“I’m aware,” Neil says, not deigning to look up from his phone as this conversation didn’t warrant receiving his full attention.

“Okay, just checking.”

After that the conversation moves on to more entertaining things, at least from Neil’s perspective.

When they get back to Fox Tower Wymack hands Kevin his wallet and Kevin throws it from the front of the bus. Neil knows where this is going, and he knows what it’s like to be jerked out of a dream—pleasant or unpleasant—in a violent manner.

Without thinking, he launches himself across the aisle and snatches the wallet out of the air.

“Andrew,” he whispers, nothing more than a small movement of air between his lips. It’s enough. Andrew’s eyes jerk open and his hand shoots up to grab the seat between them.

“Ste—Neil.”

“We’re here.” He stands and leaves without ceremony, passing everyone else on the bus who was staring at them slack-jawed.

~~~

Neil couldn’t sleep. Whether it was anxiety at having to be in the same room as a camera that would broadcast whatever it saw to anyone that might be watching, or disappointment about losing the game, or any number of other things endlessly weighing on his mind, he couldn’t sleep.

A quick glance at his phone showed that it was slightly after three. That was a reasonable time to get up and head to the court. Everyone else would be up in a few hours anyways, a little extra practice could do him some good.

Neil doesn’t think as he gets up and gets dressed to practice. It was a Saturday so he didn’t have class or homework that was urgent enough to warrant working on it. He grabs his trainers, not planning to put them on until he’s in the hallway, knowing that it’s quieter to walk with socks on than shoes.

His gear bag betrays him and smacks again the door frame, making Neil freeze in fear.

~~~

_He hadn’t been trying to sneak out or run away, he just needed to get out of the house, away from his father’s hateful hands and Lola’s dangerous knives. He just wanted to go for a run, he’d been getting faster, training harder, hoping that one day he might be able to outrun anyone that came too close, but the night to test his luck wasn’t tonight. The pain in his shoulder was enough proof of that._

_He hadn’t been silent enough while the police officers had been there. He had fidgeted too much. The second that the front door closed behind the police officers, his father had grabbed the poker out of the heart of the fire and swung it with enough force Nathaniel heard it whistle through the air seconds before he felt the searing hot metal come into contact with his shirt, and subsequently his skin._

_He screamed before realizing that was a mistake. Lola was there in an instant, craning his head back uncomfortably and covering his mouth. The poker was placed back in the fire as Nathaniel felt hot, wet tears roll down his cheeks. His shoulder blade had been damaged._

_At least, that’s what he had been told later. He didn’t remember much after that because he had passed out, he hoped._

_That was how he found himself sneaking out well after midnight, arm clutched tightly to his middle. By now he had become a pro at avoiding all the squeaky parts of the floor, making it to the window in his room without making a sound._

_For as clever and paranoid as his father was, he had yet to alarm the windows. Granted, all the bedrooms were on the second floor, but that wasn’t enough to stop anyone determined and Nathaniel was determined._

_He was strong, especially for a child his age, which was how he was able to dangle out the window without using his bad arm. His feet scrabbled against the brick for a foothold a moment before one of his worst nightmares came true._

_Lola’s face appeared in his window and the look she turned on him was gleeful. Nathaniel didn’t have enough time to let go before the window was slammed on his fingers._

_He didn’t scream on the way down, he doesn’t even think he screamed when he hit the ground._

_He knows he screamed when Lola hauled him up by his injured arm. He knows he screamed when his father let her—encouraged her—to take her knives to him, to ‘teach him a lesson’._

_It was later that he asked her how she found him. She said she’d heard his feet bang against the wall, she’d been sitting up in the study, playing watch-dog when he’d tried to make his escape._

_~~~_

By the time Neil had snapped back into his own body and out of his subconscious, he assumed that it was safe to leave and that his suitemates were heavy enough sleepers that they hadn’t been disturbed.

He slips his trainers on and tightens the duffle strap across his body. Before he hit the bottom of the stairs, he’d broken into a run, the duffle slapping against his back providing a welcome bit of grounding rhythm to his stride.

It’s a short run to the stadium, no more than seven minutes door to door. The lights flicker on with a comforting hum and Neil walks out to the court before changing out, needing to take it in for a moment. Despite having been here for months already, Neil couldn’t remember the last time he had been here by himself.

Neil could probably stand here for hours and still be amazed. This wasn’t helping settle his mind, so he leaves the court and goes to change out. The floors of the showers were still wet in places, so Andrew and Kevin hadn’t left that long ago.

The finality of locking the court door behind himself is a comfort Neil didn’t know he needed tonight. He was alone. He was safe. He could do what he loved.

A quick glance at his newly acquired watch says that he’d been practicing for nearly 30 minutes when he decides to shed his shirt. He was alone, there was no one to judge him or shout at him for not wearing the proper guards.

He had just settled into a new rhythm when someone bangs on the wall. Neil jumps and launches the ball in the direction of the intruder. It strikes the wall with a bang that echoes through the court. Andrew’s unblinking stare meets Neil’s terrified gaze.

He’s too far away for Neil to tell if Andrew really was meeting his gaze or was staring at his chest. Just to be safe, he shrugs his shirt on before venturing over to the side of the court where Andrew was standing.

While he had moved around with his back to Andrew, Andrew had let his eyes track every move. He had heard Neil leave earlier, and had followed him to the court, but it had been clear from the set of his shoulders that he needed some time to work things out.

“You’re done junkie. We’re getting breakfast.”

“’m not hungry.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it sounded like a question.  I’m hungry. We’re leaving.” He raps on the court wall twice before walking away. Neil grits his teeth. “That’s not good for your teeth little rabbit,” Andrew calls back to him in a sing-song voice.

Neil grumbles the entire time he’s picking up the equipment from around the court, and the entire time he showers and changes back into normal clothes, and the entire walk to the car. Andrew just narrows his eyes at Neil before sliding defiantly into the driver’s seat.


	21. Sweet Smiles Hide Sharp Teeth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Aaron can handle Kevin’s drunken tears.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, tis I, back from the grave. Sorry it took so long to get a new chapter out to you guys, life has been so hectic lately!! Actually the only reason this chapter happened was because mother nature told the math department fuck you the other night.   
> So, now the chapter is finished and ready for you guys to devour.   
> Let me know what you think!  
> (PS, how is everyone? I know school is starting to wrap up for some, that must be exciting!)

Four AM was too early to get up. Especially if the reason he was getting up didn’t involve Exy, staying alive, or Andrew—Neil’s thoughts screech to a halt. Since when had Andrew wormed his way onto the short list of things Neil valued.

He was not prepared for that train of thought this morning—especially at the ass-crack of dawn. Neil heard the front door click open and reached for his duffle. When the bedroom door bangs open to reveal Nicky on the other side, Neil forces himself to relax.

Matt, however, had the opposite reaction. In one smooth movement, he had rolled out of his bed, acquired a baseball bat somewhere—from under his bed, Neil thinks—and was prepared to take a swing at Nicky’s head.

“Relax man, I’m just making sure you’re up. And maybe, I might be trying to escape Kevin.”

Matt nods solemnly and lowers the bat. He scrubs his hand over his face quickly before glancing up at Neil. “Coffee?”

“Coffee.” Neil agrees, stretching like a cat before climbing down from his bed.

Nicky stands in the door hesitantly before Matt calls to him from the kitchenette, “c’mon Nicky, I’m making a pot. There will be more than enough for you to have a cup or two.”

Halfway through his first cup of coffee, Neil watches both Matt and Nicky build the happy personas they display to the world. He wonders if they realized how similar they were. “Do we need to put some back for the rest of the monsters?” Matt asks, eyeing the coffee pot.

“Kevin won’t drink coffee, which means Aaron probably won’t drink any either. Andrew might want some but I have no idea how he takes his coffee. I don’t think I’ve seen him drink coffee before actually…” Nicky trails off, obviously pondering this.

Neil knew how Andrew took his coffee. A remnant of his previous life, clearly.  He hadn’t seen Andrew drink coffee at the dorms, but he had seen him with coffee cups while out and about. Without thinking about it, he grabs one of the disposable travel mugs and mixes up the garbage mixture Andrew calls coffee.

When the team congregates in the hall, Neil predictably drifts towards Andrew’s side, even before he realizes what he’s doing. Wanting to avoid unnecessary attention from the rest of the team, Neil just silently hands Andrew the cup of coffee.

Andrew regards him with a raised brow, lifting the coffee up to his mouth without breaking eye contact. Neil stares back, watching Andrew’s other eyebrow raise to match the first one when he doesn’t feel the need to immediately spit the coffee out. Andrew continued to blink at Neil, even after he had turned away to talk to Matt.

Neil remembered Andrew’s coffee. He didn’t just remember an order, he remembered the at-home mix. And he acted like it was no big deal. That meant he at least had to be trying. That meant he at least remembered that he knew Andrew, that they had been—whatever they were.

It was too easy to let that give himself a reason to justify watching—not watching, scrutinizing—Neil. The working plan was to sit next to Neil on the way to the interview, enabling him to continue to attempt to discern what was going on inside Neil’s head.

However, while he was lost in thought, Neil had struck up a conversation with Matt, who, rather than sitting with his girlfriend, opted to mess up everything and sit next to Neil. Stupid Matt and his stupid friendliness. He could take that and shove it right up his ass for all Andrew cared.

But, Andrew begrudgingly admits to himself, he would tolerate the giant oaf and his associates if it meant Neil was happy. Aaron had been sticking to Kevin’s side lately, so Andrew followed Matt and Neil back towards the back of the bus. Not that he was interested in eavesdropping, he just wanted to make sure Neil wasn’t upset—or something like that.

Neil noticed Andrew’s presence, and if he was silently grateful for it, that wasn’t anyone’s business. Matt didn’t take notice until Kevin and Aaron sat across from them. And Nicky and Renee sat in front of them. And the rest of the foxes, sans Seth piled in and congregated around Neil and Matt.

 Andrew was still granted a bench by himself, which he was glad for, even if it was out of fear. Neil and Renee were the only ones brave enough to sit with him, and they had been claimed by more boisterous members of the team. It was too easy to resent them for that.

Neil’s eyes kept flicking towards Andrew, which was more of a balm than it should have been. Just before they get to the studio, Kevin pulls out a bottle of vodka from underneath his seat and takes a few swallows.

Andrew feels something like jealousy curdle in his belly when he catches Neil looking over at Kevin, watching him intently. Because Andrew is petty and he doesn’t like figments of his imagination focusing more on his charges than on him, he shifts just enough to get Neil’s attention. Kevin notices and narrows his eyes at Andrew.

Kevin raises the bottle of vodka back to his lips, silently challenging Andrew to a staring contest. Neil doesn’t notice and walks between them, breaking the stare. Andrew follows him, leaving Kevin to scramble after them.

“Neil are you sure you don’t want to go on with me?” Kevin needles, doing his best to convince Neil to be shown off.

“I’m not some prize-winning poodle for you to prance around on stage.” Neil deadpans.

Kathy runs out to meet them, chattering excitedly. She looks at Neil from where she and Kevin had been whispering conspiratorially before running towards him and fluttering her hands around his face while babbling the entire time. Neil just tunes her out, assuming that she was also trying to convince him to go on the show.

What catches him off guard is when one of the makeup people grabs him and starts to steer him off in a different direction than the rest of his team. “Wait!” He shouts, drawing the attention of everyone nearby.

“I’m not going on!” He dug his heels in and his eyes search for Andrew, who had at some point disappeared with Wymack.  

“He’s just a little camera shy,” Kevin explains, coming to wrap his arm around Neil’s shoulders and usher him along.

“Get the fuck off me.” Neil snarls, whipping Kevin’s arm off his shoulders and stepping away. He turns the same disgusted look on the rest of his team when they don’t stand up for him against all of these people.

They were all busy studiously avoiding his gaze as he was hauled away. Good to know the rest of them wouldn’t miss him when he leaves.

He was shoved to one of the wings of the stage and he stood there fuming, waiting for his queue. That was where Andrew found him. He came running around one of the corners, several security people in steps behind him. He stops when he lays eyes on Neil, snarling at the security guards when they nearly crash into him.

“There’s a reason I’m thought of as the psychotic Minyard,” he says, his voice dripping with distain. He leaves them gaping after him to come and grab the back of Neil’s neck. He was fine. He was alive. He hadn’t rabbited. He was still at Palmetto. He was safe. This just goes to show that Kevin couldn’t be trusted with anything.

The striker in question comes around the corner, charming Kathy Ferdinand in that way that he has, until he sees Andrew and the furious expression on his face. He falters before covering it up and going right back to the conversation he had been having.

Neil had started shaking slightly, making Andrew grab his neck tighter. Kathy notices what was happening between them, but at a look from Andrew, she snaps her mouth closed.

“You don’t have to go on.” Andrew whispers lowly, blocking everything out of Neil’s line of sight. He might be high off his ass, and an asshole, but he wasn’t about to let Neil be forced out of his comfort zone and exploited.

Neil had just opened his mouth to respond when one of the stage hands shoves him out on stage and out of Andrew’s grasp. He raises his chin defiantly and stalks across the stage to drop heavily next to Kevin.

“Hello Neil, lovely to have you here,” Kathy says.

“Charmed, I’m sure. Now tell me Kathy, if things don’t go your way, are you in the habit of bullying people into getting your way?”

Kevin laughs it off, making a joke out of it. Neil sits there and seethes, ignoring any questions that had been directed his way until Kathy says something that gets his attention. “As a special surprise, we’d like to welcome Riko Moriyama to the show!”

The blood drains from Kevin’s face as they come face to face with the dweller of his nightmares. Neil grabs his arm and makes sure that he stays upright.

“So Riko, what’s it like without your number two this year? Are you nervous about facing him on the court?”

He laughs before fixing Kevin with a look that said if they were ever alone together, there would be hell to pay. As much as Neil didn’t like Kevin, he didn’t deserve to be treated like this. A quick glance back shows that Renee and Nicky had appeared at either side of Andrew and were just barely managing to keep him from storming the stage.

Neil feels his father’s smile slip onto his face as he stares across the stage at Riko. “You know, the answer I’m really interested in is, what’s it like to be number two? To be so close to being the best, but knowing you’re just not good enough? Or, better yet, what’s it like to know that a striker who’s pretty new to exy, with no professional training, has enough raw _talent_ to overtake you.”

“Josten, was it? I think you’re too new to really know how the dynamics here work,” Riko’s voice is patronizingly sweet.

“Riko, was it? I think anyone with eyes can see that you’re smarting over being second best, and that’s why you didn’t seem to be all that heart broken when Kevin left last year. And you know, I think it says a lot about you that you think that coming on national television and attacking someone who you used to be ‘closer than brothers’ with. It also says a lot about your character. I think we’re done here Kathy.”

He hauls Kevin up and just as their leaving the stage, Kathy’s voice stops them.

“Neil and Kevin, would you care to comment on your budding relationship?”

“Sure,” Neil says cavalierly, “I’m Riko’s upgrade.” With that, he drags Kevin off the stage and deposits him with the twins. He needed to get away from all these people. He didn’t feel bad for anything he’d said, and he’d say it all again, but being so openly hostile was bound to get him some unwanted attention. Now that he’d opened this can of worms and dumped them on Kevin’s lap, he’d have to run.

He’d almost made it back to the bus when someone grabs him and shoves him up against the wall, their forearm against his throat. Riko.

“I don’t like when people insult me. And I really don’t like when people touch my things.” He presses down on Neil’s throat harder. Neil doesn’t respond, he can’t, not with black spots crowding his vision.

Luckily he doesn’t have to, “funny, I was going to say the same.” Andrew’s voice reaches Neil’s ears and it was enough to make him fight harder. He turned his head just enough to ease the pressure on his windpipe. “Let go of my rabbit, Riko, or I can, and will make you pay.”

Riko snarls before leaning down to hiss in Neil’s ear “you can’t run forever little Nathaniel, I will have what’s mine.”

Neil’s knees buckle, and he just barely manages to catch himself against the wall. Andrew is there in an instant. His hands hovering for a second before Neil nods and Andrew pulls one of Neil’s arms over his shoulders. Neil drops his head to Andrew’s shoulder and inhales deeply, drawing in the comforting scents he found there. Wymack was standing next to Kevin who was drunkenly blubbering as he leaned heavily on Aaron.

Several of the foxes jumped up as Neil and Andrew climbed on the bus but a look from Andrew had them all sitting back down. He goes to sit next to the window, but all of a sudden, Neil is alert and pulling on Andrew’s arm.

“You’ll feel trapped,” he says softly, sliding into the window seat and resting his head on the cold glass.

“Junkie,” Andrew mutters under his breath. “Yes or no, Neil?”

“Yes,” Neil says without opening his eyes. They flutter softly when Andrew’s finger runs across the column of Neil’s throat. “I’m fine, go check on Kevin.” He shoves lightly at Andrew’s shoulder, not really doing much, but also not willing to move.

“Aaron can handle Kevin’s drunken tears.”


	22. Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What would it take?” he finally asks, his voice rougher than he would like it to be.  
> “To do what?” Neil asks, confused.  
> “For you to stay.” Andrew

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, i am so so so sorry it's been so long. The last few weeks of the semester kicked my ass. I got fucked by two of my finals and pulled like six all-nighters.   
> Buutttt, i'm on break now, and should be updating more often and on a more regular schedule.  
> Let me know what you think of this chapter!!!  
> (Also, who's excited for summer? I definitely am)

As Andrew had predicted, it hadn’t taken long for Neil to fall asleep once they were on their way back to Palmetto. What surprised Andrew was when Neil had slouched into his shoulder, murmuring a soft “yes or no, ‘drew.”

Andrew had just settled in, muttering a soft “Junkie,” into Neil’s hair. Kevin had glanced back at them a few times, each time leaning slightly closer to Aaron. Andrew just raised an eyebrow at him. He wasn’t going to get up. Neil trusted him enough to sleep, and even with his fucked-up mind, Andrew knew that was a big deal. He was high off his ass, not an idiot.

Neil was a stiller sleeper than Stefan was. Stefan would toss and turn, with the occasional thrown elbow here and there. Neil—at least Neil sleeping on the bus—was perfectly still.

The upperclassmen started arguing about something—it sounded light-hearted from where Andrew was sitting, but it was hard to tell with them sometimes. Renee was there, placating them, attempting to keep the peace. Suddenly, Matt stands up and shouts “NEIL!”

“Shut up, idiot!” Andrew hisses, glaring at him. Neil picks his head up off of Andrew’s shoulder and blinks blearily.

“Huh?”

“Nothing. The upperclassmen are being rude again—oh I’m sorry, it’s still, isn’t it?” He pitches his voice louder for the last part, so the upperclassmen hear what he says. Neil muffles his laugh with a cough when they turn to glare at them.

Neil was going to soak this in as long as possible, because after his run in with Riko, he couldn’t stay. Riko would tell his father, no doubt. Andrew was looking at him with his characteristic blank expression and it made Neil feel so _seen_ that he shied away.

“No.” Andrew says. Neil gawks at him. His intent to run hadn’t been written that clearly on his face… he didn’t think. “You’re not running.”

“I never said that I was.”

“Oh, wrong answer.” Andrew says sardonically. His face never wavered from the impassive mask he always wore, but Neil could see something far more sinister lurking beneath. “I don’t like liars Neil.” Andrew’s voice had taken on a sing-song tone that made Neil’s skin crawl.

“That wasn’t a lie.” And technically, it wasn’t. Neil had never said outright that he was going to run. He had never even implied it, vocally.

“Strike two.”

“Andrew,” Neil says imploringly.

“Ah, ah, ah. I’m done with this conversation. You’re not leaving.”

Something in Neil bristled at this. Before he can think better of it he sneers, “you can’t stop me.”

Andrew looks at him, and with a nod that makes Neil feel like he’s been dismissed, stands and moves towards the front of the bus where Kevin, Aaron, and Nicky were sitting. Neil wanted to say something, to make Andrew come back. But what would he say? He couldn’t promise to stay. It would mean his death, and probably the death of everyone on this bus.

It wasn’t worth it. _He_ wasn’t worth it. These people didn’t even know him, they didn’t deserve to die for him.

~~~

As soon as he had stepped off the bus, the upperclassmen had corralled Neil into their room, asking questions about why he had stood up for Kevin and what he was thinking and how he expected to survive the season.

He didn’t tell them that he didn’t expect to survive.

Just as he was getting tired of the endless questions, frantic knocking sounded through the apartment. Dan wrenched open the door to find Nicky looking panicked on the other side. “Hi can your boyfriend fix a window? Also is Neil here?”

“Yeah he can fix windows and yeah Neil’s here.”

“Neil you should come across the hall right now because…well, because Andrew is scaring all of us and well you seem to, er, do the best with him? Also tell Matt there’s $500 in it for him if it’s fixed before tomorrow.”

Matt gives him a lazy salute from the couch. “Not going in there while the monster is raging around.”

“That’s where Neil comes in.” Nicky nods in his direction. “I’m sending him up to the roof to talk to you. Don’t make him come down here and haul you up there, okay?”

Neil rolls his eyes but stands nonetheless. He’d been wanting an excuse to leave, but he also was not looking forward to talking to Andrew. A quick detour to his room allows him to pick up a first-aid kit before going up to the roof.

~~~

Andrew was sitting by the edge, his feet dangling over the edge, injured hand cradled in his lap. He’d fared better than Kevin, who had gone for the drywall with his fists. The door squeaking open alerts him to Neil’s presence. He doesn’t outwardly respond. Neil was done with him, he’d made that much clear on the bus. He didn’t want Andrew, or need Andrew, and he obviously didn’t remember as much as it seemed like he had.

“Andrew.”

Neil had no right to sound like that. To sound like he was the one that had been cast off and left for dead. Like Andrew was the one that had snubbed him.

“Surprised you’re still here,” he finally drawls, not tearing his eyes off the skyline even when Neil settles next to him.

“So did Kevin start the punching spree, or was that you?”

Andrew holds his hand up, watching the blood drip down his wrist.

“Can I?” Neil asks softly, gesturing to Andrew’s hand. Andrew sighs and if he flings his hand a little harder than necessary into Neil’s waiting palms, there’s no one around to say anything about it. Neil just bites his lip in response, looking remorseful.

_Good._ Andrew thinks. _Let him stew in his guilt for a little while longer._

“Andrew, I—“ Neil abruptly cuts himself off, instead choosing to focus on picking the glass pieces out of Andrew’s hand. Once it’s clean and bandaged, Neil drops his hand and rakes his hair out of his face. Andrew pretends not to notice that his hand had landed on Neil’s thigh.

“What would it take?” he finally asks, his voice rougher than he would like it to be.

“To do what?” Neil asks, confused.

“For you to stay.” Andrew remembers having this conversation once before. He’d had it with Stefan when he’d caught him looking at everything like he was trying to memorize it.

“I can’t stay, Andrew. You know that I can’t.”

The look Neil turns on him isn’t fair. It isn’t fair that Neil should get to look so sad when he was the one deciding to leave.

“’drew, you know if it were only my life on the line I’d stay with you—you guys.”

Andrew pushes his face away.

“Trust me,” he says to the side of Neil’s head. “Trust me, Abram. Trust me to keep you alive.”

“Won’t that violate your deal with Kevin?”

“That is not your concern.”

“I can’t.” Neil says, moving to stand. Andrew’s hand wraps in the sleeve of his shirt, carefully avoiding skin.

“You didn’t trust me to protect you before. I’m asking you to trust me now.”

Neil fidgets with his hands in his lap for a few seconds. “Why me?” He asks.

Andrew just squeezes tighter, clenching his jaw, lest something he didn’t mean to say slip out between his teeth. Neil sighs, and Andrew knows he’s won. For the first time, someone chose him.

“I should probably make sure your useless crew did something about Kevin’s hand.”

Andrew’s grip tightens for a few seconds before he forces himself to let go. Neil was staying, he wasn’t going to run. He was staying. Realizing that he’d been sitting stationary for too long, Andrew flicked his fingers at Neil in a dismissive gesture.

~~~

Kevin was sitting on the couch with Nicky and Aaron hovering over him when Neil waltzed into the apartment. “Shoo,” he tells them, wanting to speak to Kevin alone.

“No.” Aaron tells him, shooting a glance at Nicky and then at the door to make sure he wasn’t the only one standing his ground, especially against Neil and Andrew.

“Fine.” Neil plops down across from Kevin and flings his hand out. Only once Kevin had carefully placed his hand in Neil’s grasp did he switch to French. “I don’t work for _them.”_

“I know.”

“You know?” Neil tries to keep the surprise from coloring his tone.

“After this morning, yeah I know. He’s gonna kill you, man. You are so dead. He is gonna make your life hell and then he’s gonna kill you.”

“I’m there already. There’s nothing he can do that’s worse than what has already been done.”

“I’m not sorry.” Kevin finally says.

“Okay.”

“If I could do it all again, I would do the same thing, except be a little more careful.”

“Try it again, Day, and I don’t care what kind of deal you have with Andrew, you’re dead.” Neil looks at him seriously, making sure Kevin comprehends the weight of his words.

“I won’t.”

Neil nods and releases Kevin’s hand before standing.

Andrew reappears in the door and announces boredly that they’re going to Columbia. Neil blinks in surprise at being included but quickly shrugs it off. He hadn’t noticed Aaron and Nicky gaping at him until Andrew had pulled their attention away.

“Did you know Neil spoke French!?”

“Yes.” Andrew says simply.

“I’ve spoken French in front of you before…” Neil looks between them, confused.

“I was right! It was French!” Nicky looked like he could do a dance he was so happy. Neil just looked at him, subtly trying to move closer towards the door. “So, Neil, what other romance languages do you speak?” He punctuates the sentence with a waggle of his eyebrows but after a quick glance at Andrew, averts his eyes.

Andrew notices Neil getting ready to make his escape. “Two hours.” He says, watching for Neil’s nod as he shuts the door behind himself.


	23. Run Rabbit Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I made you a promise.”  
> “The word of a liar isn’t worth the oxygen it takes to speak it.” Andrew turns back to campus, effectively dismissing Neil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys  
> I'm so sorry it's been so long. I had a really rough summer and it's taken me until now to get my life back together. I'm going to try my best to do this story the justice it deserves though.   
> Let me know what you think in the comments!

Neil had two hours to decide. He wanted to stay for some reason. Neil knew exactly why he wanted to stay, but he didn’t want to put words to it just yet. He could just hear his mother’s voice in his head. _You stupid child Abram, attachments are weakness. Just another thing to be used against you._

She was right of course. Because Neil cared about them—about him—he needed to leave. Andrew was gone, and he could easily slip out past everyone else.

Before he could talk himself out of it, Neil grabs his duffel and slips out of fox tower, making sure to leave his phone on the counter. He isn’t sure where he’s going, but he’s going to get away from the people that didn’t deserve to be punished for his stupidity.

All those months ago, when his mother’s voice told him joining the foxes was too good to be true, she was right. After that stunt with Riko, his father’s men were sure to find him. The first place they’d look was with the foxes. Hopefully when none of them knew his real name or where he went, they’d be okay.

Neil knew they wouldn’t be completely okay. But on the other hand, when his father caught up to him in other places, the people he knew weren’t questioned. Nathan knew how Mary operated, and he knew Neil was Mary’s son, through and through.

He should’ve told Andrew that he remembered. Andrew deserved at least that much. He owed all the other foxes some kind of explanation too. Especially because, without him, they were no longer a full team. They couldn’t play. Neil had done that. By accepting an offer he knew he shouldn’t have. By taking an offer that was better meant for someone else.

Neil passes one of the few payphones left in the city. Chewing on his lip, Neil calls coach Wymack, the only number he knows by heart. Too much had changed since he knew Andrew’s number. And his mother had probably beat it out of him anyways. It was just a distraction. He was just a distraction.

Neil had been so lost in his train of thought that it almost startles him when Wymack’s brusque voice comes through the phone. “What.”

“Hi coach—um--I was wondering if you could give me Matt’s number.”

“Don’t you already have it plugged into your phone?” Suspicion colored Wymack’s voice.

Neil shifted his weight back and forth, “well—um—no. I don’t have it. That’s why I called you.”

“Uh-huh. Is there anything else you want to talk about Neil?”

“Nope.”

“Okay…”

He probably should’ve told Wymack he was leaving, and that was his intention in calling. But he couldn’t stand to hear the disappointment that would coat Wymack’s words. As foolish as it was, he liked having an adult that wasn’t proud of him, per se , but one that wasn’t threatening him and wishing he didn’t exist.

~~~

Andrew didn’t know where he was going—away from fox tower he supposed. He hadn’t been gone long, maybe 20 minutes, when he gets a call from Wymack.

“What did you guys do.”

Andrew raises an eyebrow. “Hello to you too.” Likely all that Wymack was referring to, was the rather dented wall and the broken window.

“Neil, dipshit. Don’t play stupid with me.”

What was wrong with Neil? He said he’d stay. Well he didn’t say it, but Andrew had been so sure he’d stay. God he hated these fucking drugs. They fucked up everything. He couldn’t tell what he was imagining and what was real.

Wymack gives him the number to a payphone that he says Neil called him from. Andrew was going to sort this out right now.

The payphone rings so many times Andrew is sure that Neil won’t pick up. But finally—finally his tired voice comes through the phone.

“Hello?”

“Stefan—Neil—Abram whatever-the-fuck-you-want-to-be-called-today. You’re playing rabbit again aren’t you.”

There’s a beat of silence. Then a cough. “It’s safer. They will kill you, Andrew.”

Despite Neil not being there to see it, the sardonic grin slips across Andrew’s face. “Liar liar.”

“Andrew,” Neil sounds so broken. It tears Andrew in two. The captive part of him wanting to hurt anyone that made him sound so distressed, and the other part of him wanting to laugh. The captive half of his brain doesn’t win. It never does. His laugh sounds brittle, even to his own ears.

“You’re not a martyr, _Neil Josten_.” Andrew’s words are harsh, but they’re the truth.

“I’m not trying to be a martyr. They know I’m here. And if I’m still around, every one of you will pay.”

Andrew was growing bored of this same conversation.  Neil wanted to run away, just like he always did. Except this time he was trying to play it off as concern for others, rather than his flawed self-preservation instincts.

“Goodbye little liar”

Andrew’s just pulled the phone away from his ear when Neil’s voice stops him, “Andrew, I remember leaving last time.”

“ _Well,_ aren’t you special.”

Andrew only regrets his words when the phone line clicks dead.

~~~

Neil doesn’t know what he expected, but it wasn’t that. He could call Andrew back. But that felt too close to begging, and Neil refused to do that if he could avoid it. It felt too much like begging for his life when he had to beg for anything else.

He didn’t need Andrew to pick him up. He was going to just walk back. He should leave, why he wasn’t Neil didn’t know—well he did, but he still didn’t want to admit it. Attachment was weakness. It was how the people you cared about got killed.

A car rolls to a stop next to Neil and he jumps back from the edge of the sidewalk. But when it’s Nicky behind the wheel he relaxes slightly.

“Come back, Neil.” Nicky was never commanding, this time he sounded defeated. He looked like there was more he wanted to say but that he was holding himself back. As nice as Nicky could be, he was still the man that drugged Neil. “You’re already walking back towards campus.”

Neil shifts his weight back and forth a few times, fidgeting while he made a decision. The smile Nicky gives him when he reaches for the handle isn’t blinding like Nicky’s usual smiles, instead it’s more tentative, relived even.

They hadn’t been driving back towards campus for long when Nicky’s voice breaks the silence of the car, “I’m sorry. For everything that happened when we took you to Columbia. I was protecting my family. But clearly you’ve been protecting them too.”

Neil just sits there, unsure what to say. He didn’t want to say it was okay—it wasn’t.

“I’m just going to drop you off at fox tower, I have to take Abby’s car back.” Nicky’s voice is raw.

As Neil’s getting out of the car he stops, “I know the lengths people go to protect their family. But you don’t need to carry the weight of everything that’s been done to them before you were around.”

Nicky looks out the driver’s side window and nods. Neil nods once, more of a jerk of his chin than anything, before closing the door and preparing to face a floor full of people who now no doubt know he was going to run away.

He hasn’t even stepped out of the stairwell when Matt accosts him. “Was it the monsters? Did they do something?”

“No Matt. Everything’s fine.”

“Coach had all of us out looking.”

Neil nods, edging around Matt so he could retreat to their room before anyone else could get back and corner him. Matt doesn’t really get the hint, because he follows Neil into their room and stands in the door, looking like he was waiting for Neil to say something else.

The door to the stairs slams again and the rest of the upperclassmen’s voices echo into their room.

“Matt?”

“In here!”

Neil would rather be anywhere else than in this room right now as the upperclassmen all crowd in. The only person who appears to have a semblance of respect for personal space is Seth. He goes and sits on his bed, waiting for Allison to turn her attention back to him. Renee’ notices Neil’s growing discomfort and she moves slightly so there’s an opening to the door.

He nods at her, acknowledging her favor and tears from the room, not slowing down until he’s on the roof. The door bangs shut behind him as Neil scrambles to stop. The roof was already occupied. Andrew sat at the edge, bouncing his heels off the side of the building.

“Well, well, well, who was your knight in shining armor today?”

“I made you a promise.”

“The word of a liar isn’t worth the oxygen it takes to speak it.” Andrew turns back to campus, effectively dismissing Neil.

“The best place for me is in the spotlight. With people at my back that will protect me.” Neil feels like he’s mucking this all up, but he didn’t miss the flash of relief in Andrew’s eyes when Neil exploded on to the roof.

Andrew scoffs.

“I will stay, Andrew, as long as you let me. When I was running I knew I wasn’t ready to give this up yet.”

“And you still ran.”

“Andrew,” Neil sounds so defeated.

 If Andrew were sober, he might feel bad. He doesn’t. “I’ve reached the end of my patience with you. Goodbye little rabbit.”

Neil’s shoulders sag an invisible amount. He needed to get out of fox tower. The floor is quiet when he sticks his peers out of the stairwell.

The upperclassmen appeared to have moved across the hall, because his room is mercifully silent when he slips in.

“If it isn’t our favorite attention whore.” Seth’s voice startles him as he’s grabbing his running gear. Neil doesn’t say anything back, instead choosing to flip Seth off as he walks to the bathroom to change. He’s just headed out the door when Seth calls out to him. “You need to go see Coach.”

Neil doesn’t deign to respond. Seth wasn’t worth his time. He figured he’d have to go see Wymack eventually. Since he was going to go running anyways, he could just run to Abby’s. Andrew was still sitting on the top of fox tower when Neil bounded out of the building and onto the sidewalk. He stops and looks up before giving Andrew a lazy salute and heading off towards Abby’s.

It was easy to set a quick pace. The rhythmic sound of his footfalls on the pavement made it easier to focus on figuring out just what he was going to say to Wymack when he got there.

~~~

Neil knocks, rather than just letting himself in. He didn’t want to irritate coach even more. Abby answers the door with an unreadable look on her face as she ushers Neil inside.

Wymack was pacing around the kitchen on the phone, arguing with whoever was on the other end.

“He needs a new one. If you won’t take him I’ll ask one of the upperclassmen… I don’t give a shit what you think… fine you little mongrel. No illicit stuff bought on my dime. Understand?” With that last bizarre statement, he hangs up the phone and turns to Neil. “Sit.”

Neil curls in on himself and goes to sit at Abby’s kitchen table. “Coach I’m sorry.”

“What happened to your phone?”

Neil looks at his feet, suddenly very intent on studying his running shoes. “I left it.”

“So it’s not broken? Doesn’t need replaced? Nothing like that?”

Neil shakes his head.

“Then why the everloving fuck did you not use it.”

“I told you. I left it.” Neil grits his teeth.

“Well don’t leave it.”

“It won’t happen again.” With that Neil gets up and makes his way to the front door.

“Neil.” Wymack’s voice stops him on the porch. “If you don’t want to talk to me, fine. But you need to talk to someone about what’s going on with you.”

“Understood.” He wasn’t going to talk to anyone. The less everyone knew, the better. It appeared that after his acquiescence, he was dismissed, so he took off down the street and headed generally back to fox tower.

He gets back to his room to find that someone had plugged in his phone. There was also a bag of clothes on his bed. Taking a deep breath, Neil knocks on Andrew’s door.

It isn’t Andrew that answers, but rather Aaron. “Take a hike Aaron. I want to speak to Andrew.”

Aaron squints at him. “How did you know it was me? We look the same.”

Neil just pushes past him into the room. Andrew is lounging on his bed, looking incredibly similar to a cat about to leap upon its prey. “Have you come to beg for forgiveness?”

A laugh bubbles out of Neil. “No chance in hell. Are we going to Columbia tonight?”

“I’m sorry Kevin, I don’t answer obvious questions.”

“Okay Aaron. I’ll see you in the car.” Neil ducks just in time to dodge the textbook Andrew heaves at his head.


	24. How to Apologize - by a runaway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Andrew, I’m sor—”  
> Andrew cuts him off, “I don’t believe in regret, little rabbit.”  
> “I know.” Neil finds himself saying truthfully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!  
> Here's another chapter for you all as a little new years present.  
> As always, let me know what you think down below, I live for your comments and happy reading!

Despite the clothes Andrew left for him fitting different than his normal attire, Neil doesn’t feel particularly uncomfortable in them. His outfit this time is much the same as it was last time, dark, tight jeans and a dark, tight shirt. In the shadows of his room, it’s hard to say exactly what color the outfit is, but as long as it’s not a bright color, Neil doesn’t particularly care.

Just as Neil pulls the dorm room door shut behind him, Matt pokes his head out of the girls’ room. Neil can hear Seth and Allison arguing within. Matt steps out and looks him up and down. “You’re going out with them after you just got done fighting?” Neil just shrugs and bypasses the twin’s door to wait for them outside.

It appeared that Andrew had had the same idea, because he was perched on the curb, smoking a cigarette. Neil stands for a minute before gesturing to the space next to Andrew, “can I sit?”

“It’s a free country.” Andrew doesn’t even look up at him. He just sits there and keeps smoking. After a few beats of silence, Neil sits down.

“Andrew, I’m sor—”

Andrew cuts him off, “I don’t believe in regret, little rabbit.”

“I know.” Neil finds himself saying truthfully. He sits there for a minute before pulling out his wallet. Matt had helped him pick it out a while ago, saying Neil needed an organized way to carry his cash and cards. Neil didn’t have the heart to tell him he didn’t really need a wallet. He’d taken to carrying it though, despite its lack of necessity. He glances over his shoulder to make sure they’d be alone for a few minutes more.

Andrew watches Neil out of the corner of his eye. He hadn’t predicted Neil would try to buy him back. Except it wasn’t money that Neil so gingerly pulled out of his wallet, it was a ratty old picture. Obviously, it had been held and examined a lot, and it had spent a lot of time, presumably in a pocket, as it had well-worn creases in it.

It’s what—or rather who—is in the picture that really catches Andrew’s attention. He’s staring at a younger version of himself and Neil. Though they looked younger, neither of them looked carefree. When he looks up to Neil’s face, the raw feeling there made Andrew want to retch.

He wished that a bottle of good alcohol would fall from the sky and into his hand so he could down the whole thing. Who was Neil to look at him like that and to carry this picture around and treat it as if it was one of his greatest treasures.

Nicky’s enthusiastic voice comes from the entryway of the building and in the blink of an eye, Neil stows the picture and leans back on his hands, the picture of untroubled. Unless you were Andrew. Unless you could read the tension across his shoulders and in his arms. Andrew was just bridging the gap to sobriety for the night and he didn’t want to deal with Neil and his feelings.

When Neil turns his face back to look at Andrew, Andrew pushes his face away. He flicks his cigarette down to the pavement and stands, grinding out the stub with the toe of his shoe. He doesn’t wait to see if Neil gets up and follows him, Andrew knows he will. What he does not expect is for Nicky to pull Neil aside.

“I know that you’re only doing this for Andrew but thank you, for giving us another chance and not just running off to the upperclassmen. Don’t get me wrong they’re not all bad, but you balance us out.”

“Uh-huh.” Neil looks at him sideways before following Andrew.

“Did you realize that I’m the better company?” Andrew asks when Neil gets close enough to hear him.

Neil laughs. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.” He didn’t mind spending time with Kevin—on the court, but off the court, Andrew probably _was_ Neil’s favorite company. Though he did not want to admit it.

Kevin throws himself into the front seat, leaving Neil between the twins in the back. This was—less than optimal for him.

They’ve just set out when Aaron mutters “if we were planning on adopting strays we should’ve opted for a minivan.”

Andrew leans around Neil and grins manically at Aaron. “We picked up you, didn’t we?”

Neil presses himself as far back in the seat as he can. Between the bickering twins was the last place he wanted to be right now. Nicky’s voice calling from the front of the car breaks the tension, “girls, girls, you’re both pretty.”

“Finally, the recognition I deserve.” Andrew’s voice is dripping with sarcasm as he gives Neil an unreadable look. Neil shrugs it off, figuring that if it was important, Andrew would tell him.

Sweeties was packed, like normal. The back booth seemed a lot less crowded before Neil started coming with them. Nicky crams Kevin into the corner and pats the spot next to himself, batting his eyelashes. “Neil you can sit next to me if you want.”

Andrew just grabs the back of Neil’s jacket and steers him to the other side of the booth, letting Aaron take the seat next to Nicky. Like hell he was going to let Neil sit next to Nicky and be oblivious to Nicky’s less than innocent touches. Neil didn’t even seem to notice that anything was amiss.

The waitress that comes to the table checks them all out, but her eyes linger on Neil longer than anyone else at their table. “Hello boys, what can I get for you? There’s more than just what’s on the menu, blue eyes.”

Neil blinks around the table, as if he expected her to be talking to someone else at the table. He’d taken his contacts out, knowing that Andrew preferred him without them, especially since they were just another part of an enormous lie. He doesn’t respond to the waitress, who deflates more and more, as the seconds tick by.

“Sorry hon, he’s a little oblivious,” Nicky interjects. This perks her back up slightly, until Andrew flicks his hand at her in a dismissive motion. Neil looks back and forth between them, confused. He’d been pretty sure that girl was hitting on him, but then Andrew had been so done with him, Neil wasn’t sure Andrew would want to go back to what they were—now that Neil had remembered.

It wasn’t fair to ask Andrew to just wait while he figured it out—knowing he might die in the process. And Andrew wasn’t big on sentiment, especially this new Andrew that was created in Neil’s wake. Neil didn’t want to ask him for something he wasn’t ready to give. He knew Andrew could say no, but he didn’t want to ask.

If Neil were a drinking kind of guy, this would be a good time for a drink. But he couldn’t risk revealing anything to the rest of the team. Andrew knowing was one thing, but everyone else was quite another.

They had just pulled up to Eden’s when Kevin’s phone rings. Kevin’s face going ashen is enough to make Nicky stop and look at him, concerned. “What is it Kev?” Nicky asks.

Kevin hangs up the phone and looks at them in disbelief, “Seth’s dead.”

Neil’s heart screeches to a stop. Riko did this. All because Neil mouthed off to him on Kathy Ferdinand’s show. This was Neil’s fault. Seth’s death, was Neil’s fault. He should’ve run when he had the chance, then maybe Seth would still be alive.

The only one in the car not oblivious to Neil’s inner turmoil, was Andrew. But then again, he was as finely tuned to Neil as Neil was to exy. Ignoring the rest of the car, Andrew puts his hand on the back of Neil’s neck, pulling him back to reality.

“We should uh, get—get back to—uh—back to campus,” Nicky finally says, his voice rough. The ride back to Palmetto was silent. Andrew doesn’t take his hand off Neil’s neck, though at this point, it’s less for his comfort, and more because after everything that just happened , he was going to be even more of a flight risk than normal.

The outside of fox tower betrayed no hint of what could possibly be happening on their floor. It’s only once they’ve all left the car and were walking in that they noticed the police car parked out front. It’s lights and sirens were off, making it seem just like any other car in the cover of night.

Neil tries to veer off when he notices the car, but Andrew knots his hand in the back of Neil’s shirt and hauls him inside. Neil frowns but doesn’t try to shake off the hand wrapped securely in the back of his shirt and Andrew doesn’t let go.

“Andrew, let me go, I have to go.”

“Do not sing that same tired song to me, little runaway.” Andrew pushes him onto the elevator and only lets go when the doors slide securely shut behind the group. The police were standing in the hallway with Wymack and Abby while the upperclassmen’s voices could be heard echoing from their room into the hall through the open door.

The group in the hall turns at their approach. Neil could see past them into the upperclassmen’s room. Allison was in the middle of the couch with Dan and Matt on one side and Renee on the other. Renee looked up and gave them a small frown before turning her attention back to Allison.

Wymack opens his mouth to say something then glances over his shoulder. He guides now larger group into Seth— not Seth’s anymore—Matt and Neil’s room.

“I know you all know about Seth. Right now, they’re saying it’s a suicide, but they’re opening an investigation just in case.”

Neil sees Wymack talking and even registers his voice, but the words flow in one ear and out the other. This was his fault. He did this, all because he couldn’t keep his damn mouth shut. He’d as good as pulled the trigger. Although he wasn’t sure how Seth died, the metaphor stood all the same. Neil needed to go. Right now. He needed to leave. He could ask Andrew to come with him. But that was a stupid idea too. It was easier to run with one person, rather than two. One was much less noticeable. But now Neil would be noticeable, no matter what he did. His face had been on TV. He had gotten into an argument with Riko Moriyama on national TV. Everyone would know his face by now. His father probably already knew where he was and what name he was using. The only reason Neil was still alive was because he was in the spotlight.

Now, with Seth’s death, it would push the foxes even farther into the public eye. That could possibly be Neil’s saving grace, at least through the end of the season. At the end of the season he would leave. He could tell the FBI everything he knows. It would uproot his life and possibly—probably—end with his death, but his father would be brought down too.

While Neil’s mind had been racing, the room had emptied out. It was just Andrew and Neil standing in the shadowed room now. Andrew lays his hand across the back of Neil’s neck and he jumps. Andrew jerks his hand back as if he’d been scalded.

Neil turns his conflict filled eyes to Andrew and Andrew pushes his face away. “You’re at 99% Josten.”

**Author's Note:**

> I plan on updating once or twice a week but you'll have to bear with me because I actually kinda have a life now and it tends to monopolize my time. But I promise to do my best and I won't leave you hanging (for too long ;)  
> If you want to comment but don't know what to say, comment your favorite song about the upcoming holiday season!  
> (My favorite is Mary Did You Know, but I really am in love with the pentatonix version!)  
> If you want to shout with me about these awesome nerds (or anything else) you can find me on tumblr as jasnahkholin (my avatar picture has a horse in it!)


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